The Importance of Kissing in a Relationship

by Gideon Hanekom
October 15, 2022

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In this post, we’re looking at the importance of kissing in a relationship and why kissing makes a relationship stronger. Kissing researchers discovered that, besides being sexy, kissing helps people choose and stay mates. Let’s look at what that means for you and your partner.

As someone who’s been happily married for over sixteen years, I can attest that in a relationship, kissing is not just a way to show affection (although that’s crucial in and of itself).

Kissing is also an important act that can help to build a stronger connection between two people.

And as I’ve written numerous times on this website, emotional connection is the heart and soul of any happy and satisfying love relationship.

So why does kissing make a relationship stronger?

Why Does Kissing Make a Relationship Stronger?

On a physical level, when we kiss someone, we exchange chemicals that can affect our mood and emotions.

Kissing increases connection and attraction by releasing oxytocin, a bonding hormone. This helps couples feel more connected and can even improve sexual attraction.

The Importance of Kissing in a Relationship

On a psychological level, kissing also helps us to build trust and intimacy.

Emotional intimacy is not just about sex. It’s about an emotional connection with someone that goes beyond the physical.

When you’re emotionally intimate with someone, you share your innermost thoughts and feelings with them. You’re able to be completely honest and vulnerable with this person. This type of intimacy is often found in close friendships and romantic relationships.

Kissing shows that we are willing to commit to our partner and are interested in them as a person, not just as a sexual partner.

Kissing also symbolizes the beginning of a relationship.

When two people first start dating, they often kiss passionately to show affection for each other.

In fact, one study shows the importance of kissing in a relationship as a possible way to assess whether someone can be a potential partner.

In a survey, women were more likely than men to say that kissing was important. However, both men and women who were more likely to be unfaithful said that kissing was an essential way to test out a new partner. [1]

The Importance of Kissing in a Relationship

So, in conclusion, kissing is an essential act in a relationship that can help to build trust, intimacy, and choice in who we partner with, all of which play a role in how strong a relationship ends up being.

How Kissing Can Make a Relationship Stronger

Although the first kiss is pivotal in each relationship, kissing also plays a vital part in keeping the spark alive.

The researchers discovered that the more romantic kisses a couple shared during their relationship, the happier they were with each other.

Kissing was perceived as being more significant at the established stages of relationships by low sociosexual participants, more significant generally in long-term relationship situations (but notably so by women), and associated with relationship happiness.

Kissing itself seems to boost intimacy and communication in a relationship, which can ultimately lead to a stronger bond.

Kissing also helps to show that we are committed to our partners and are interested in them as a person, not just as sexual partners.

Now, why is all of that important for you and your partner?

Well, for several reasons…

According to Elizabeth Karls’ article, Robert Sternberg, a psychologist and a professor at Cornell University, University came up with the “triangular theory of love,” which explains how love works between two people.

The triangular theory of love says that love has three main parts: passion, intimacy, and commitment.

Together, these three things make up the heady feeling we call “being in love.”

The Importance of Kissing in a Relationship

Passion is the feeling of being physically and sexually attracted to our partner. It’s that first spark that makes us feel so happy and interested in someone new.

Intimacy is the way we feel about each other as a couple. It’s the feeling of being close to, understanding, and trusting someone.

Commitment is the choice to stay with our partner through good times and bad. It’s a promise to be there for them no matter what happens.

You have the perfect formula for love when you combine these three things.

According to the triangle of love, if your significant other truly cares for you, they will do everything they can to make you feel cherished and adored.

Additionally, even if it means giving up something they desire for themselves, they will go above and beyond to fulfil your needs and make you happy.

So, considering all of that, if you’re looking to make your relationship stronger, romantic kissing is a central and vital act to consider because it feeds so many other components (like intimacy, trust, and connection) that are vital to the well-being and longevity of all love relationships.

Interestingly, however, no link was found between having more sex and being happier in a relationship.

Now, that doesn’t mean that sex is not essential to happiness and satisfaction in a relationship.

It simply means that no link was found between having more sex and having a more satisfying relationship.

However, that link does exist with more kissing and a more satisfying relationship.

So, from that, we can draw some conclusion that kissing is just as, if not more, critical to a strong relationship as having sex.

But it’s also important to remember that kissing improves sex, making both even more powerful “forces” in a satisfying relationship.

According to research, a passionate kiss (like french kissing) can relieve stress and revitalize your sex life. Researchers show that kissing increases the bonding hormone oxytocin levels while kissing lowers levels of the stress hormone cortisol.

The Importance of Kissing in a Relationship

Thus, the big takeaway here is that regular kissing can help build trust, closeness, and communication in a relationship, which can lead to a stronger bond in the long run.


What Happens When Couples Stop Kissing?

One could assume that everything we’ve talked about so far will probably not happen.

Since kissing is such an essential part of a strong relationship, if you stop kissing passionately and often, it can hurt all the critical parts of your relationship. Couples who stop kissing are likely to have many problems.

For example, intimacy may grow less as trust grows less.

Communication may become tough as problems go unaddressed.

The connection between partners may weaken.

Sexual intimacy and frequency could go down.

As a result, it’s safe to say that couples that quit kissing may have some serious issues down the road.

The Importance of Kissing in a Relationship

Additionally, if your relationship is unhappy, likely, you don’t kiss as frequently as you should.

Because although it might be expected for romantic kissing to become less frequent with time, it’s crucial to maintain the spark.


Kissing is an integral part of a relationship as it helps to build intimacy and connection.

It can also be a way to show affection and express love.

Kissing can help increase the bond between two people and make a relationship stronger.

However, kissing is not just important for sex.

It’s also vital for communication, trust, and sexual intimacy.

So, if you’re unhappy in your relationship, chances are that you’re not kissing as often as you should be.

To keep that spark alive, start kissing more often!


[1] Wlodarski, R., Dunbar, R.I.M. Examining the Possible Functions of Kissing in Romantic Relationships. Arch Sex Behav 42, 1415–1423 (2013).

About the author 

Gideon Hanekom

Gideon Hanekom is the creator of, a renowned relationship blog that ranked among the top 50 relationship blogs and top 100 marriage blogs in 2021. The blog is dedicated to providing valuable insights on cultivating healthy relationships and love in daily life. Gideon holds a Master's degree in theological studies and transitioned into professional counseling almost a decade ago. In addition, he completed graduate and post-graduate studies in Psychology at Massey University. With over seventeen years of marriage to his wife and two children, Gideon brings both professional and personal experience to his relationship advice. His articles have been featured on respected platforms such as and The Good Men Project.

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