What Attracts Men Series: Passion

by Gideon Hanekom
June 17, 2019

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Let’s be honest, passion is far more attractive than a lack thereof. Women tend to be attracted to men who are passionate about something, but men are very much the same.

In fact, as a man, I would argue that few things are as attractive as a woman who’s passionate about something.

Maybe it has to do with the connection between passion and confidence – which is super sexy.

Or perhaps it’s about the appeal of an independent woman having her own stuff going.

Your guess is as good as mine.

What I do know, however, is if you want to be attractive to a man, have something in your life that you’re passionate and confident about.


Think about it like this, how interesting would it be to spend time with someone who did nothing more than talk about the weather and watch television?

Or worse, he’s got no drive and is going nowhere … fast.

He’s not passionate about his job, any hobbies, or even his mates.

How would it feel being in a relationship with someone like that?

Moreover, how attractive would that be?

Also, what type of life together do you imagine you’d have?

Chances are when he isn’t passionate about anything, things would get boring and pointless pretty quickly.

The attraction will start waning at some point.

And, from a guy’s point of view, the same is true when it comes to women.

Perhaps even more so.

Now, when it comes to being passionate about something, there is one BIG no-no.

Being passionate about your partner or relationship doesn’t count.

I mean, it’s great that you feel strongly about your man and relationship, and will no doubt be appreciated by him.

But there is also a very thin line between being passionate about being with him and coming across as needy.

And THAT is a big turn-off.

Nothing turns a guy off faster than a needy partner or spouse.

Because the type of behaviour that tends to go with it can come across as being smothering, overwhelming and intrusive into his life.

Not attractive. Not good.

That’s also perhaps why being passionate about something outside of the relationship is so appealing.

He knows that you’ve got your own life and stuff going on beside him, and he’s not responsible for making your world go round.

Now, don’t get me wrong – if a man’s really into you, he will move heaven and earth for you.

But the moment he feels he HAS to or you start falling apart without his 100% undevoted attention, he starts making plans to exit.

Or he just avoids you.

Because you’ve lost your appeal.

Men love the chase.

They love passion.

They love confidence.

They HATE neediness.

Not initially maybe, but in the end they always do.

It gets too much.

We don’t want you to be clingy.

Unless we’re “clingy together” in the bedroom.

But that’s another story.

At the end of the day, when you have a passion of your own, he knows it is something he can share and enjoy with you.

For example, my wife has a passion for portraiture photography.

And she is really good at it.

When she gets into her zone and is preparing for a photoshoot, guess what I do?

I get involved.

I help set up and tidy up the space she is using for her shoot.

I vacuum clean.

I support and encourage.

I make sure to take care of the stuff in the background, like cleaning the dishes after the photoshoot lunch, so that she can focus on what she does well and enjoy – which is tending to her clients and the photoshoot.

That’s just a simple example, but that’s the way it tends to be when you have a passion in which your man can share in some way or another.

Now, if he doesn’t want to share in it, you deftly have to question your choice in men.


Because in my opinion, when a man’s really into you, you will know it.

Men are too simple to play (mind) games.

We tend to mean what we say and say what we mean.

It’s just that women tend to listen or look for different meanings, and it confuses them.

So a simple rule of thumb is to understand that what we say is usually quite literal.

When we say, we are tired, that’s what it means.

It doesn’t mean anything else, or that something else is going on.

Women tend to have five other meanings when they say something.

But back to the point.

When you have a passion or are passionate about something, it is really attractive to a man.

And a good man will support you in it.

Having passion will give you BOTH something to share together and learn together.

And many times, you’ll have different passions.

Which is fine.

It only means you’ll both have new things to learn and enjoy with each other.

And again, passion gives you confidence and men are attracted to self-confident women.

Make a note of this somewhere.

Men love confidence and passion BUT a lack of confidence puts them off.

About the author 

Gideon Hanekom

Gideon Hanekom is the creator of TheRelationshipGuy.com, a renowned relationship blog that ranks among the top 50 relationship blogs in 2024. The website shares valuable insights on creating healthy relationships life. Gideon holds a Master's degree in theological studies and transitioned into professional counseling more than a decade ago. In addition, he since completed post-graduate studies in Psychology at Massey University. With over seventeen years of marriage to his wife and two children, Gideon brings both professional and personal experience to his relationship advice. His articles have been featured on respected platforms such as Marriage.com and The Good Men Project.

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