Hi, I’m Gideon Hanekom, a New Zealand based relationship coach and blogger.
Some also refer to me as “The Relationship Guy.”
I always love the “about me” page on websites like this because they’re written in the third person … even though they’re typically written by the owner of the site.
“So after Gideon Hanekom made several attempts to sound smarter than he really is by writing about himself in the third person, he quickly abandoned that approach and decided to write this page like it was a letter to a friend.”
Which … in many ways, it is.
Anyway – what do you want to know about me?
I’m 40 years old. I live in Northland (New Zealand) with my beautiful wife.
We have two kids and two cats.
I’m guessing that’s not the kind of stuff you’re looking for.
You’re probably wondering,
“Is This Guy Worth My Time And Attention?”
For many readers, my answer is NO!
I cannot help you unless you’re really motivated to help yourself.
For some reason, people are attracted to “gurus” or experts to solve their problems for them.
Now, I would be the first to admit that learning some insights from those who know more than I do is a smart move, but there is still a huge prerequisite for any new results you desire in your life or business.
Action on YOUR part.
The only time we tend to take action in any part of our lives, we need to feel that we truly want to, i.e. what I call “to be motivated” to help yourself. You need to have some reason compelling you to take action otherwise you simply won’t.
That doesn’t mean that you always feel 100% like doing the things that need to be done, but you at least need to have some desire to want to improve your situation or create better results.
I cannot help you unless you’re really motivated to help yourself. That’s just a fact. Not even the great Tony Robbins can help you if you don’t want to. Plus, he won’t allow you to waste his or your time anyway. I won’t either.
So, no, I can’t help you if you don’t really want better results in your life and relationships. And anyone tells you they can is full of bull crap.
If you don’t want to take action, you’re not going to enjoy my coaching and insights
No, I don’t believe in just giving people “homework” for the sake of it.
But I do believe that without action we cannot have new results. The Ancient Scriptures say that even great faith without action is dead. New results demand some new action.
We can sit around talking about things till the cows come home, but unless somebody takes a new action you cannot expect a new or different result.
Albert Einstein is credited with the quote “doing the same thing over and over again while expecting a different result is the definition of insanity.”
I tend to agree with that.
So many times we think that the answer to our challenges or problems lies in simply doing more of what we are already doing. The problem with that logic is that whatever you’ve been doing up until now has only been good enough to give you the result you’re experiencing right now.
If you want something else, you need to take a different action. Make a new decision, make some new choices, or start walking in a different direction. Something!
If you’re someone looking for a breakthrough in your relationships (or life) but want everyone else to make the changes while you remain same, my way of coaching will be a huge frustration to you.
I challenge people, as I do myself, to raise the bar, step up, and make things happen. A new life or improved situation won’t come knocking on the door. You have to make it happen. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.
So, if you don’t like being challenged, maybe pass on my coaching because you will get “tough love” in droves. But in saying that, you will ALWAYS feel respected and safe when working with me.
If you’re looking for “The Easy Way,” I don’t want to help you.
It’s important you understand what I’m telling you.
I can help you, I just won’t. I’m capable of it, but I refuse to do it.
Because when I hear someone say, “What’s the easiest way”, what I’m really hearing is, “I’m not fully invested in the long-term success of my marriage or relationship … and am therefore not fully invested in success at all.”
And that really translates to “I don’t want to change or do any work” which really means “I’m here to waste your and my time.”
Now, I don’t know about you, but personally, I’m not really into wasting my time. We only have SO much of it, right?!
Look, let me just say this if you don’t know it already and save you some time, effort and money – creating a healthy, happy, and intimate (hot) marriage or relationship takes hard work.
It’s fun, but it still works. You have to keep at it.
It takes HARD WORK to create and it takes HARD WORK to maintain.
Now with that off my chest, Are You Still Here? Good.
Here’s what you can expect from me.
- Awesome, actionable insights, strategies and tactics you can use in your marriage/relationship (life) right now, for FREE … which are usually followed by:
- Various Offers in the form of eBooks, Monthly Memberships, Online Courses, and coaching (either online or in person).
Can you believe I just told you flat out that you’re going to receive blatant offers from me?
Well, why wouldn’t I tell you?
I mean c’mon – I’m running a business here.
Yes, I want to make a difference in the world and see happy people, but I still need to make money to sustain the message and serve my family.
I, like ALL other coaches, make our money by selling stuff.
So I will try to sell you really helpful stuff from time to time and I won’t be subtle about it.
However – it’s always preceded by really valuable insights, strategies and tactics you can use immediately.
The idea is that you’ll say, “Mate, this free stuff really helped me/us. I think I’ll try the paid stuff.”
Pretty simple, right?
Frank Kern (someone I consider a mentor in many ways) call it the old “Demonstrate You Can Help Them By Actually Helping Them” trick.
But you still might be wondering …
How Do I Know If Your Stuff Is Any Good?
Well, the smartest thing to do is to just get some of my free or really low-tier materials.
If you like it, you’ll probably like my online courses and coaching.
If you don’t like it, you won’t.
But I think I’m supposed to do the whole “self-aggrandizing biography” thing now so here goes:
I started my journey in the Christian Church as a pastor.
Yep, you read that right …
Please keep reading once you’ve recovered.
After we moved from South Africa to New Zealand I realised I was not in Africa anymore and needed more skills if I wanted to add even more value to my new home.
So, I started and completed qualifications in Professional Counselling and Hypnotherapy. Yep, you read that right too!
After that, I enrolled in the Robbins-Madanes Centre of Strategic Intervention and started working through some of the coaching certifications they offered.
But, the biggest and most valuable “qualification” I obtained was when my life took a turn for the worst a few years back. And it changed my life.
To make a long story short, my health was in trouble and I was silently killing myself with my food choices and lifestyle.
Fortunately, and perhaps through some divine intervention, I decided to change my life insurance company which required new blood tests.
These tests revealed that everything wasn’t that kosher in my body and I needed to make some drastic and immediate changes.
The doctors, of course, wanted to prescribe medication right off the bat, bless their souls, but I decided to go at it on my own. And it worked.
Fast forward a couple of years and I went from being fat, sick and unhappy to losing more than 60lbs* (around 30kg) and ranking 7th in the World for the 60m sprint (M35+) in the 2016 season.**
Consequently, various people and organisations started coming to me for coaching on high performance, health and weight loss and so on.
This led me to start my own high-performance consultancy company, and some now consider me as one of the best personal development and high-performance workshop trainers and coaches they have ever worked with in New Zealand.
But, after having done this for a while I realised I needed to focus even more.
So I started to look back over the people I work with most over the last couple of years and realised that about 75% of my clients came to me for some form of relationship advice.
Even the business owners or team managers I worked with all used me, at some stage or another, to work on challenges within their love relationships marriages.
It was then that I realised that I’ve been “the relationship guy” for a while now but I haven’t owned it.
My focus has been broad in trying to help as many people as possible with as many challenges as possible. And I still do that to some extent.
But, like John Gray (Men Are from Mars Women Are from Venus), I decided to hang my hat on dating and relationship coaching and blogging.
I believe that when relationships are healthy and happy and intimate, in my opinion, life seems to be so much easier and better.
When people are truly happy in their love relationships with their partners, life seems to flow effortlessly.
But, the opposite is equally true.
When people feel frustrated and stuck, or have become stagnant in their marriages/relationships, everything else seems to become so much harder.
The challenges of an unhealthy and unhappy relationship that lacks connection and intimacy, become all-consuming and suffocating.
However, that doesn’t need to be your life.
You can have a healthy, happy and intimate relationship with your spouse/partner.
All you need to turn things is a willingness to save or improve your love relationship, the right insights that are proven to work, and commitment to consistent action.
Here’s What I Will Help You With, Specifically
I coach unhappy couples to connect better so they can be happier and more fulfilled.
And to do that, I follow a very simple coaching process, sometimes referred to as Healthy Relationship Dynamics Coaching©.
Experience has taught me that people tend to rely on ingrained patterns and habits to help them deal with whatever life throws at them.
The same thing happens in our relationships.
We rely on what we know, not necessarily what works (or could work better).
Therefore, developing a better understanding of how we “work,” first, is crucial for success.
I call this part of the process, developing AWARENESS.
And I have learned that when we create AWARENESS in three (3) areas, in particular, we can shortcut the process to success even more.
These three areas are:
- Learning how to generate the most helpful emotional states.
- Learning about and modelling the patterns, behaviours and habits most happy relationships have in common (i.e. bright spots).
- Becoming aware of and avoiding common toxic relationship patterns of thinking and behaviour (i.e. blind spots)
Consequently, we spend a lot of time in the coaching process discovering, looking at and applying the elements of these three areas.
Once we have a clearer idea of the bigger picture around the requirements for relationship success, I will help you to start committing to more constructive and positive ways of changing the results you are getting in your relationship or marriage right now.
I call this part of the coaching process ACTIVATION.
After you have developed greater AWARENESS and ACTIVATED the new insights, understanding, and behaviour, our coaching sessions will then focus on keeping you on track and helping you grow towards your desired goals.
This is what we call, ACCELERATION.
You can also use the word, “growth.”
But, within the context of a marriage or love relationship, GROWTH has two parts:
- continuous personal growth of each individual, AND,
When these elements are in place, the relationship itself seems to feed off it.
Without continuous growth, there is decay, which usually means the end of something.
You and your partner might be together because you’re genuinely in love, but you are also individuals who need to grow individually and separate from each other.
This will ultimately feed your relationship even more.
It is when we get stuck in unhelpful mindsets and ways of thinking (cognitive distortions) and dysfunctional patterns of behaviour to meet certain wants and needs, that the health of the relationship can suffer.
Partners tend to shift their focus away from serving each other, toward defending or serving themselves, which becomes toxic and destructive.
Furthermore, if one partner grows and the other doesn’t, spouses or partners tend to grow apart.
And growing apart is not the same as growing separately from each other in order to grow as individuals – the latter is necessary – the former is a recipe for marital disaster.
The idea is to grow individually AND collectively, and feed that back into the relationship.
ACCELERATION is about showing, encouraging and keeping you accountable to do just that.
Your success will come from what you do – and not do – outside our sessions.
That’s where the rubber hits the road.
Where do you start?
Here’s My Suggestion …
Go read through some of the articles on my blog as they contain massive amounts of value that help you for FREE.
If they help you, and you want more, then apply for coaching here.
Pretty simple, right?
Now let’s get to work!