The Best Tips for How to Boost Your Boyfriend’s Confidence

by Gideon Hanekom
December 29, 2021

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In this post, we’ll look at the greatest tips for how to boost your boyfriend’s confidence in your relationship, as well as why this is vital for most guys.

Confidence, in my opinion, is one of the cornerstones to any good relationship with a guy, but we’ll also look at what some psychological experts have to say about it.

As a guy and a husband, I can attest that when a man is confident, he is likely to be happier and more comfortable.

How to Boost Your Boyfriend's Confidence

As a result, he may be more willing to take risks and feel more hopeful about life in general, which will often result in him being more successful in both his personal and professional life.

On the other hand, if a guy is less confident in himself, he is more likely to be sensitive and easily crumble, or worse, adopt very harmful habits and behaviours potentially putting himself and others at unnecessary risk.

This can also easily lead to him becoming frustrated and feeling even more miserable with his life as a result.

So, even though our relationships are made up of many things, the issue of low confidence is one that you and your boyfriend can work on together, as as it’s crucial for the quality and longevity of your relationship.

What, according to Psychology, is the essence of confidence?

Confidence, according to Hendrie Weisinger PhD on, is “the degree to which you think and “feel” your activities will yield favourable results.”

He also emphasises the distinction between confidence and self-esteem.

Self-esteem refers to overall feelings about oneself, whereas confidence pertains to your sense that you can successfully complete a task.

Your boyfriend may have high self-esteem (feeling good about himself) but still lack confidence in his capacity to do something, such as make you happy.

However, the better one feels about himself, the easier it is to generate confidence for a given undertaking.

Obviously, the inverse is also true.

It will be much more difficult to boost his confidence if he is pessimistic about himself and believes his actions are in vain.

Why is male confidence necessary for a healthy relationship?

Male confidence is essential for a good relationship because it helps the man feel in charge of the relationship and capable of providing for and protecting his spouse.

Men with poor self-esteem are frequently scared to let down their guard and “grow” in a relationship.

When males are continuously afraid that their spouse will leave them or will not return their love, they often retreat emotionally and begin acting in ways that can make that dread a self-fulfilling prophecy.

When a male acts in this way, the woman feels like a victim, and instead of feeling cherished, she often begins to resent her partner.

The man then becomes more aloof and no longer wants to be close to her, aggravating the situation even more as a natural byproduct.

How to Boost Your Boyfriend's Confidence

When one partner in a relationship lacks confidence, especially the guy, it may be extremely detrimental to the relationship.

Insecurity and a lack of trust in the other person might result from a lack of confidence.

This can lead to disputes and animosity, and ultimately to the breakdown of the relationship.

Now, low self-confidence is frequently caused by one of two factors.

For starters, it could be the outcome of low self-esteem.

Low self-esteem, on the other hand, is not always the result of a lack of confidence (as seen earlier) but can more be the result of poor body image.

If that’s the case, we also know that a guy with a poor body image might have issues in the bedroom which most definitely will further affect his levels of confidence.

So, in a sense, the interplay between poor body image, low self-esteem, and low confidence is a potent and toxic recipe for disaster in a relationship with a guy.

Another way that poor self-confidence can harm a relationship is that it encourages him to take risks, whether they are good or negative.

It can also lead to really bad risks, such as becoming disloyal to his partner, in some situations.

Taking chances is a vital part of being a man, but when the risks a man has to take to feel confident have the potential to harm the relationship, you may have a problem that needs to be addressed.

Another way your boyfriend’s lack of confidence can harm your relationship is if he exhibits the characteristics of a typical insecure male.

And an insecure boyfriend may become possessive and jealous, frequently attempting to exert control over their partner’s behaviour, leading to potentially serious consequences.

For example, he may continuously check in on you, curious as to where you are and who you are with.

An insecure boyfriend may also have mood swings and be extremely emotional and unpredictable.

How to Boost Your Boyfriend's Confidence

Low confidence can also cause a guy to become very insecure about his masculinity and role as a male, causing him to start acting more ‘beta’ and less alpha.

Now perhaps you think that you don’t care that much about him being “alpha,” but let me assure you that you do, whether you know it or not.

When a guy’s confidence is that low that he stops believing in himself and as a result stops taking responsibility for himself and taking care of his lady, I guarantee you it will drive you crazy and make you extremely frustrated and unhappy over time.

When I still worked as a relationship coach I saw this happen quite a lot and the pattern always repeats itself.

She wants him to take more charge, but because he doubts his capacity to do so, he does less, making her want him to do it, even more, making him feel like an even bigger loser for letting her down.

Over time, the entire relationship comes crashing down.

Now, these are clearly not the only reasons why your boyfriend’s confidence is crucial to the health of your relationship, but they are some of the most prevalent and significant ones to consider.

Hopefully, by gaining a greater knowledge of these variables, you will be able to begin combating them and achieving the security and contentment that should be at the heart of any happy relationship.

That brings us to the crucial subject of how to boost your boyfriend’s confidence.

How to boost your boyfriend’s confidence

Understanding the relationship between male testosterone and emotions of confidence is one of the most crucial strategies for how to boost your boyfriend’s confidence.

Testosterone is a hormone produced in the male body that is responsible for the development of the majority of masculine features.

It is also responsible for increasing men’s confidence and aggressiveness.

Testosterone levels peak in adolescence and then gradually fall with ageing.

However, when a man’s testosterone levels are low (for a variety of causes), he may have a lack of confidence and a sense of inferiority to others, including his partner.

However, by raising testosterone levels naturally or through testosterone replacement therapy (a possibility for older men), men can restore their confidence and feel more powerful and forceful.

Low testosterone levels in young men can be caused by a variety of factors.

According to, common contributing reasons of low T in young boys (under 30 years old) include:

  • high levels of cholesterol
  • blood pressure is too high
  • Obesity or being overweight
  • Excessive alcohol consumption, use of illegal drugs, and use of anabolic steroids
  • consuming large amounts of prescription medicines such as steroids and opiates

In some circumstances, low T may be associated with other medical disorders, such as hypothalamic or pituitary dysfunction or tumors.

How to Boost Your Boyfriend's Confidence

With that in mind, if you want to enhance your boyfriend’s confidence, you should investigate whether any of these factors are interfering with his T levels and possibly affecting his confidence levels.

If you feel this is the case, a good place to start would be a serious discussion about where things stand and what strategy you might devise to fix the situation at hand.

It could also be a good idea to consult a registered health professional to assess his T levels and any other possible contributing factors.

Now, and this is critical, guys do not appreciate being told what to do, especially by their girlfriends, so you must go with caution.

One strategy could be to begin promoting a healthier lifestyle and leading from the front.

You could also suggest going for a medical checkup together.

You might also challenge your lover to perhaps address some lifestyle issues (if applicable) because men enjoy being challenged, but because he is already battling with low confidence, you must be discreet and patient with this approach.

Now, with testosterone covered, there are also numerous other strategies to potentially boost your boyfriend’s confidence.

For example, giving him compliments is one option.

Another option is to be encouraging and upbeat.

Another approach would be to make him feel needed and valuable.

Another approach is to make him believe that he is capable of doing anything he sets his mind to.

Another approach is to urge him to see himself in a new light.

Another option is to express your love, affection, and support for him, making him feel valued, appreciated, and needed.

Some experts refer to this last idea as the Hero-Instinct which you can read more about here.

How to Boost Your Boyfriend's Confidence

There are numerous techniques to increase a man’s self-esteem.

I’m sure you’ve realised by now that it takes two individuals to make a relationship work, and if your guy lacks confidence, things aren’t going to work out as well as they could or should.

Your lover will very certainly require assistance, and it is not the end of the world, so don’t allow your disappointment to prevent you from assisting him.

Even if it’s just telling him he’s doing a good job and that you enjoy his behaviour, he’ll be able to gain confidence on his own and things will run a lot more smoothly for the two of you.

Of course, you should ask him what’s going on.

If you discover that he’s been making excuses, things will become more complicated, and you’ll need to figure out what to do next.

But, most likely, you won’t have to do anything.

Your boyfriend will most likely realise that he needs to work on his confidence (truth be told, he probably already knows that), which he can certainly accomplish, so don’t give up!

About the author 

Gideon Hanekom

Gideon Hanekom is the creator of, a renowned relationship blog that ranks among the top 50 relationship blogs in 2024. The website shares valuable insights on creating healthy relationships life. Gideon holds a Master's degree in theological studies and transitioned into professional counseling more than a decade ago. In addition, he since completed post-graduate studies in Psychology at Massey University. With over seventeen years of marriage to his wife and two children, Gideon brings both professional and personal experience to his relationship advice. His articles have been featured on respected platforms such as and The Good Men Project.

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