April 7, 2021

When people think of intimacy, they often think of sex and passion. However, real intimacy goes deeper than that. It’s the sense of another person fully knowing and accepting you. Having intimacy in your relationship requires honesty, vulnerability, and acceptance. The deeper the intimacy, the more in tune you’ll be with your partner, both inside and outside of the bedroom. It’s an essential part of having a long-lasting, thriving romantic relationship.

If you want to increase intimacy in your relationship, as many couples do, we’ve got you covered in this post.

Here are 10 ways to increase intimacy with your partner, no matter what stage of the relationship you’re in.

Estimated reading time: 7 minutes

Don’t Get Too Comfortable

Unfortunately, intimacy can fade and sometimes disappear altogether if one or both of you end up getting too comfortable.

By ceasing to do the sweet things you did prior to getting used to each other, you’re creating room to grow apart in your relationship.

In the beginning stages of a relationship, when you were still in the “honeymoon” period, you were likely going the extra mile to show how much you cared for your partner – staying up late and sacrificing sleep just to talk to them, driving over an hour to see them, etc.

But, over time, the initial excitement between the two of you began to decline.

You now choose practicality over intimacy, opting not to inconvenience yourself.

Remember, commitment isn’t enough to keep a couple together.

The intimacy and emotional bond is the glue that holds you together.

So, make sure you embrace comfort, but not at the expense of doing nice things for your partner, or spending quality time together.

Try Something New Together

It’s not uncommon after being with someone for so long to be in a comfort zone, closed off to new experiences and adventures.

However, by planning a fun trip, even just an overnight weekend trip a car drive away, or an adventurous activity like discovering a nearby town you’ve never visited; the shared bonding time can trigger the release of ‘happy hormones’ such as oxytocin, further boosting your connection with your partner.

When planning, make sure to keep in mind your partner’s interests and what makes them happy.

Never Stop Experimenting, Even Sexually

You likely already know what your partner likes sexually, just as they know you inside out as well.

However, after a few years together, many couples stop experimenting in the bedroom, making their sex lives routine and expected.

A fantastic way of upping the intimacy in your long-term relationship is by introducing some new sex toys that the two of you haven’t tried together.

Consider silicone dildos, which are fantastic because they’re so versatile.

You never run out of different ways to play, and it can even push you to get more experimental with positions.

Don’t Hold Back

Often, we hold back our feelings in long-term relationships because we just assume our partner knows how we feel.

They know everything else about us, shouldn’t they be able to read our minds, too?

Wrong.

Sometimes, it can feel easier to ignore your problems and brush them under the rug, rather than face the conflict head-on.

Many relationships end because of secrets, or the feeling that you and your partner have grown apart.

One way to make sure your partner and you are constantly on the same page is by communicating openly with each other frequently, being vulnerable, and being emotionally available.

Often, we don’t know what is truly going on in our partner’s minds, or how they are feeling, and sometimes, we don’t properly communicate how we’re feeling either.

It’s important to do thorough mental and relationship check-ins at the very least on a monthly basis, if not more frequently.

Put Your Phone Down

After so many years with someone, it’s terribly easy to take your time with them for granted.

To help create connection and intimacy with your partner, you should try and schedule a phone-free hour every day to ensure you don’t put your relationship in the backseat of your daily life and routine.

No checking emails, social media, or catching up on the news, only each other, and the connection between the two of you.

By prioritizing the act of sharing, you are putting in the effort required to ensure that you are not losing touch with your partner.

Learn Their Love Language

Another way to strengthen intimacy through communication is through taking a love language quiz and sharing your results with your partner.

Love languages indicate how you and your partner like to show and receive love, and it can offer great insight into what your partner values in terms of relationships and actions.

Often, you may think you’re doing so much for your partner, but if it is not one of their love languages, they may not value it as much as you would.

Speaking your partner’s love language is the perfect way to retain intimacy and ensure your energy is being spent the right way to get the most out of it.

Start a Conversation

Get curious with your partner.

When was the last time you asked them something that didn’t have to do with chores or work?

Surprise them with some random questions meant to take your conversation to a deeper level: “What do you love most about our relationship?”

According to science, the magic relationship ratio says that for every negative interaction, a healthy, happy marriage has 5 positive interactions for every one negative.

So, aim to have conversations that will bring you two closer in a positive way.

Don’t Neglect Non-Sexual Touch

Keep in mind that non-sexual touch can be just as important than sexual touch, if not more crucial as it is often discounted.

Holding hands, deep eye contact, and a spontaneous kiss are all actions that are easy to overlook but are small ways to make a big difference in keeping your intimacy strong.

Re-Do Old Activities And Have Fun

One great way to retain intimacy in your long-term relationship is to prioritize having fun together.

Remember the things that you did at the beginning of the relationship, when you two were first falling in love.

Maybe you two went to see a movie every Tuesday, or loved to go camping together, or had a tradition of engaging in flirty and competitive pillow fights.

Often, over time, we forget to keep doing those things as the craziness of life takes over.

But prioritizing having fun is the secret ingredient to keeping intimacy alive in any relationship.

Give Credit When It’s Due

Little acts of kindness can go a long way in making your partner feel more valued and loved, in turn creating a safer space for intimacy.

By simply choosing not to constantly focus on what your partner didn’t do or did wrong, and instead focusing on what your partner did right and thanking them, you demonstrate empathy and love that will go far with your partner.

Before you know it, the connection and affection between the two of you will improve.

Maybe they helped you out with a work problem, maybe they gave you a ride to work even though it meant they’d be late.

Regardless, appreciation doesn’t cost a thing, but a lack thereof than be very costly and detrimental to your relationship.

Appreciation breeds encouragement, creating a lovely cycle of doing good things for each other, thus keeping your intimacy strong.

At the end of the day, you need to be constantly working on your relationship to keep the intimacy strong and intact.

However, if you have good intimacy with your partner, your love will have a strong shot at standing the test of time.

About the author 

Kate Miller

Sex toy writer and reviewer for HotCherry. Kate covers everything from dildos to BDSM toys and everything in between.

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