The Language of Love: How Experience Greater Intimacy

by Gideon
October 19, 2022

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To have a healthy relationship, you must be able to express your feelings healthily and maintain high levels of intimacy. Learn about the language of love and how to enjoy deeper connection and more joy as a couple.

Introduction: Discovering the Language of Love

Imagine being so deeply and forever in love with someone that even after 30 years together, your heart still skips a beat when you see them. Imagine spending your days with someone who excites you so intensely that you look for them whenever they enter a room. Good news: you don’t have to imagine it.

How do you make your bond with someone so passionate?

The short answer is the language of love.

The short answer is the language of love.

But what does this language mean, and how do you learn it?

Simply put, it’s loving communication.

The language of love is more than just talking to each other.

It also involves how you talk, how well you listen, your body language, and how well you understand your partner’s needs and wants.

Not only does it come from the heart, but it also comes from the desire to live a vibrant and happy life together. The language of love can help you find the happiness you’ve always wanted, whether you’ve just met or want to bring the spark back into your current relationship.

And this post will help you build a deeper, more loving relationship with your partner. Put these into practice constantly.

Once you know how to do these things, your new way of thinking will always give you new ways to enjoy your love.

Trust 

Trusting each other is among the most crucial components of a good relationship. Everything is easier in a relationship when you both feel secure in one another.

However, if your partner doesn’t trust you, he or she might not pay attention to anything you have to say and disregard your sincere intentions.

Trust can only grow when the parties involved are willing to give and receive it. To do that, you must be conscious of what your spouse needs and desires for them to be honest with you and reveal their actual feelings.

It’s about knowing that the person you love, shares the essential parts of their life with you because they want to, not because they have to. That is a powerful sign of trustworthiness. Understanding your partner’s strengths and weaknesses and being there for them in times of need is also essential.

the Language of Love

When you feel loved and trusted by someone, you want to be their pillar of support.

So, make every effort to earn and maintain each other’s trust!

Here are two easy ways to build trust between you and your partner:

1. Be truthful (but kind). Telling the whole truth makes communication much more effortless. Even if your partner doesn’t like what you said or disagrees with you, it’s easier to work out your differences when you’re being honest, as long as you stay kind. Nobody likes an arrogant know-it-all.  In addition to that, being open makes your partner trust and respect you. You can be great at everything else, but if you’re not honest in your relationship, it won’t matter.

2. Do what you say you’ll do and stick to your word. Expressing your love to someone is more than just saying the right things. Be sure to do what you say you’ll do when you say it. Your partner needs to be able to count on you to do what you say. If you can’t do what they ask, come up with a solution that works for both of you. This way, you may be forthright about your intentions and follow through on them. You don’t need nagging; you increase trust, and everyone is content.

Effective Listening

When it comes to communication, listening is just as essential as speaking, especially with your partner. When you make a concerted effort to let your spouse know that what they say is important to you, it makes them feel important and loved. The key is to make that a priority.

Effective listening also prevents misunderstandings that can lead to arguments. It’s easy to assume what your partner is saying without listening, so you tune them out and miss what they are saying.

Listening well requires active participation.

You can’t just sit there and listen; you have to ask questions, let them talk, find out where they are coming from, show that you care by truly hearing what they have to say, and make statements based on what you’ve heard.

In other words, you actively participate in the conversation by showing that you value their opinion and want to know more about their point of view.

Another biggie in this day and time is only partially listening while you surf the Internet or watch TV. In doing that, you may not only miss something crucial, it also shows disrespect and that you value something else more than your parnter!

Make effective listening a component of your language of love by utilizing the following techniques:

  1. Pay close attention to them. Turn off the computer, put down your book, and lower the volume on the TV. Do whatever it takes to show that you are paying attention to them. Then pay attention to them while they talk.
  2. Use the right kind of body language. As your partner talks, nod or smile at the right times to show that you’re listening. These things show that you’re listening and thinking about what they’re saying.
  3. Give them time to finish. Don’t talk over them before they’re done talking.
  4. Use your own words to say what they said. Rephrasing what someone says is an excellent way to show that you understand what they say, even if you disagree with them. This also helps you understand it better.
  5. Ask questions. If you don’t understand something, don’t guess what it means. Instead, ask questions.

You may learn surprising things about your partner if you listen to them carefully. Your spouse will also feel more comfortable opening up to you and having meaningful conversations once they realise you will listen to and consider what they have to say.

the Language of Love

Sharing innermost feelings fosters intimacy, but only if each person makes time to be heard. However, when you don’t listen to your spouse, they feel unheard and unimportant. When you make time to listen to your spouse meaningfully, you are essentially investing in your relationship’s happiness and well-being.

Share Your Dreams and Hopes

Sharing your ambitions and hopes for the future with your spouse is a great way to deepen your connection and learn more about one another in the present. So, talk about them in depth. Share your dreams and hopes for the future.

Now, that can be difficult in a busy world where work and family commitments often get in the way of spending quality time with your spouse. Still, when you schedule “date nights,” it can help create a sense of focus, anticipation, and excitement that might help to reconnect even amid the busiest days.

It’s crucial to make the time and be open to discussing how you can both work towards achieving your goals and dream together about their reality.

Dr John Gottman says that sharing your hopes and dreams as a couple is one of the most important things you can do to maintain a healthy relationship. He says that sharing your dreams and goals gives you a sense of intimacy and connection and helps you to understand and support each other. He has also found that unfulfilled life goals are often at the root of marital problems.

Even though talking about dreams may seem like an odd strategy, it works because it’s not about who is right or wrong.  Thinking deeply about what we want and sharing our thoughts with someone willing to listen can be therapeutic for a relationship.

The conversation lets you see where your goals are the same and how you can help each other along the way.

  • What is it that you’ve always wanted to accomplish?
  • Where has your dream destination always been? Why? 
  • What kind of car do you genuinely want?
  • How would you describe your dream house?
  • Do you wish to have children? Boys? Girls? How many? Why?
  • What are your most important beliefs? Why?

Imagine your life together. And as you talk about your hopes and dreams, start making plans for how to make them come true. It will give you a direction and focus.

When You Disagree (And You Will!)

Disagreements are to be expected from time to time. This is the way people are. After all, you and your significant other are still separate individuals, no matter how close you may be.

But just because you don’t agree on something doesn’t mean you have to get into a fight every time!

People sometimes get so caught up in an argument that they forget why they’re fighting in the first place. Do you still know why you’re fighting?

If not, it’s simple to lose focus and expend extra energy on issues that aren’t as crucial as understanding one another’s viewpoints.

In those situations, using the language of love could be challenging, but with practice, it will become simpler and easier until disagreeing civilly comes naturally.

Don’t get into an argument if you have the option of reaching a compromise or just getting rid of it. Arguments are a waste of energy and make it hard to enjoy the present moment.

If you feel that your partner is being unreasonable, it’s a good idea to try to talk to them about the situation rather than fight.

Follow these steps to talk to each other lovingly when you disagree:

  1. Don’t forget how much you love each other. Even if you’re angry about the situation or something your partner did (or didn’t do), remember that this person is the most important person in your life. Even if your partner does something that makes you angry, you still love them.
  2. Don’t call each other names. That never helps and always makes things worse.
  3. Pay attention to the issue at hand. Avoid phrases like “You always…” Talk about what’s going on now, and don’t bring up problems from the past.
  4. Use effective listening skills. These skills, outlined earlier, become more crucial during a conflict. Even if you disagree about something, listening to each other well keeps misunderstandings from happening and shows how much you care.
  5. Talk about how you feel. Tell your partner how you feel so they know why you’re upset. For example, maybe you felt unloved and disrespected when your partner came home late for dinner. Clarify whatever it was. Don’t just assume that they know how you think.
  6. Say you’re sorry if you did something wrong. Acknowledge your wrongdoing and apologise for it. Give a way to make it up to them.
  7. Figure out what to do. If you can’t agree on something, try to find a middle ground. Try something different. Not all compromises require someone to give up something. Find a solution that benefits both of you.
  8. Don’t stress about the little things. It’s important to remember that just because your partner does something differently than you, it doesn’t make them wrong. Exercise restraint and learn to pick your battles. Why bring it up? Does it need to be brought up?

When you disagree, it’s not so much about “winning” as it is about finding a solution that makes you both happy.

That way, nobody feels wronged or harbours resentment.

Treat yourself and your partner with kindness.

Making wise decisions and being kind to others is difficult when you’re under stress.

It’s important to remember that you’re human and not to be too hard on yourself.

Try to understand how the other person feels.

Don’t just hear what your partner has to say; try to understand what they are trying to say. That way, you can find a solution together instead of just fighting each other.

Show that you care

There are many ways to show love to your partner, and being creative keeps things interesting.

It’s crucial to make it a habit to show your love many times every single day. The best part is that the more love you give, the more love you get back. And your passion for each other will grow as you learn more about your partner’s needs and wants and meet them.

the Language of Love

Here are a few places to start:

  1. Say “thank you.” Tell your partner how grateful you are when they do something nice for you. One of the essential things people want is to know they are valued. “Thank you” goes a long way to meeting this need. You can also say thank you in many different ways. It’s always enjoyable to show appreciation by doing something nice for the person who helped you.
  2. Help your partner with their chores. Help your partner out, especially if they are busy with work or having a hard time. This will show them that you care. They will appreciate what you do.
  3. Make tedious tasks more fun. Even the things you do every day can be a chance to show each other how much you care and have some fun together. For instance, you could have a good time preparing a meal together. Taste what you’re making for each other. Help each other decorate a cake. The more icing you get on each other, the better. Does the garage need cleaning? Take half of it each and race to see who can do the best job in the shortest time. When you do it together, it’s less of a “chore.”
  4. Do something unexpected. Place heartfelt gifts and messages of appreciation in unforeseen places. Even if you aren’t there to witness it, you will make their day brighter when they find it.
  5. Make sure you look and feel your best. Try to work out, eat right, and stay in shape. Both of you will feel healthier and have more energy. Also, dress up sometimes for your partner. It shows them that they are worth working for.
  6. Don’t forget to take time for yourself. Taking time for yourself gives you a new lease on life and the energy you need to live an active life. Try reading an excellent book, going fishing, or working out outdoors or at the gym to unwind. If you take care of yourself first, you’ll be better equipped to satisfy your partner’s desires and needs.
  7. Bring your spirituality into your relationship. It strengthens your love and lays the groundwork for more loving interactions between you.

Laugh Together 

The ability to have a good laugh is a fundamental part of the language of love.

When people laugh together, they are having a good time and enjoying each other.

You are creating beautiful moments together. When you laugh and joke together, you look forwards to spending time with one another.

It brings you closer together when you’re feeling far from one another.

When you or your partner are overwhelmed by pressure, well-timed humour and light-heartedness might help lighten the situation.

It allows you to step back and see things more clearly when disagreeing.

Also, you can’t be mad when you’re laughing. You can still show love, though!

Talk about comedy movies, books, and funny stories. Just enjoy the funny things in life. You can also share a secret bond when you’re out in public if you have your own inside jokes. It’s another thing that brings you closer together.

the Language of Love

So, make it a point to include humour in your interactions and daily routines as a couple. It strengthens your love and helps you communicate more lovingly with one another.

Spend time together

Spending quality time with your partner shows them how much you care about them, so go out of your way to do things together. It keeps the spark going, just like dating for the first time. Spending time together makes you feel closer to each other and brings you closer together.

Date nights are a great way to spend more time together. This shows them that you care about them and don’t take them for granted.

But, although date evenings are enjoyable, spending time together doesn’t necessarily need spending money. A romantic night at home can be fantastic.

Do something you’ve never done before, or take turns deciding what to do. It can be fun to cook, bake, or try out a new hobby. It can also mean fitting sex into your schedule. Dress up, eat out or prepare it yourself, play music, hang around, laugh, have a good time, and be intimate.

You can also do different things together to keep things exciting and new. You could go to the beach, the park, or an other cafe. If you both like fishing, go fishing with a drone or take a walk. Play a sport or do something fun together. Take a weekend vacation.

Or, if you want to do something significantly more significant, you could start saving for a memorable trip together to a place you’ve always wanted to go, like Honolulu or on a boat trip.

Planning a trip to a tropical paradise is fun, and it lets you look forwards to all the good times you’ll have there. Every time you contribute to the fund, you express your love for your partner.

Whatever it is, just enjoy life together!

Conclusion

The essence of speaking the language of love is expressing your affection for your partner through words and actions. When you use the language of love and do it often, you show your partner that you love them.

And when your partner does the same, it makes a never-ending cycle of love and makes you both feel more passionate.

Your wants and needs are met, and you find happiness in each other and your lives that you didn’t know was possible.

So, use these tips and methods to get started with the language of love.

And as you master the language, everything becomes possible.

About the author 

Gideon

Gideon is the founder of TheRelationshipGuy.com, a top-50 relationship blog (2021) and top-100 marriage blog (2021) which focuses on providing healthy relationship advice about love and life. He earned a Master's degree in theological studies before training as a professional counsellor and hypnotherapist (DipProfCouns., DipMSHT.) almost 10 years ago. He completed a graduate diploma in Psychology and is currently pursuing postgraduate Psychology studies at Massey University. He has been married to his wife for over sixteen years and is the dad of two children. His articles have been published on Marriage.com and The Good Men Project.

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