March 17, 2022 |Gideon Hanekom

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In this post, we’ll look at a few approaches to resolving relationship trust issues.

You’re bound to have relationship trust issues at some point in your relationship.

Whether it’s due to infidelity, a drop in your own self-esteem, your partner’s newly hired young assistant, or a simple change in your partner’s behaviour, your relationship will face relationship trust issues at some point.

But you can also weather the storm and overcome these feelings of uncertainty.

You can begin by implementing the suggestions below to address the relationship trust issues you are experiencing so that you can enjoy the thriving relationship you deserve.

First and foremost, it is critical to understand that trust is essential in any relationship.

Couples can quickly fall apart if they do not have it.

Unfortunately, trust problems are common and difficult to resolve.

However, it is critical to try to resolve them because they can cause significant damage to a relationship.

Issues with trust can make it difficult to feel close to your partner, leading to resentment and anger.

They can even lead to separation or divorce if left unresolved.

So, if you are struggling with trust issues in your relationship or need assistance in overcoming them, the following section will provide you with some useful ideas.

Here are some tips for how to deal with trust issues in a relationship

To begin, if you want to resolve relationship trust issues, you must begin with yourself rather than your partner.

You have no control over your partner’s current or past behaviour, and the only thing that matters is how you choose to show up in your relationship right now and respond to things in the present.

In reality, there isn’t anything else.

Relationship Trust Issues

Not to get all woo-woo on you, but the reality is that neither the past nor the future exists apart from the constructs in our minds.

Whatever we create in our minds becomes real and true for us.

By shaping how we perceive and interact with the world, mental constructions essentially generate our true realities.

Our thoughts and beliefs shape our reality by creating a filter through which we see the world.

For example, if we believe the world is dangerous, we will most likely act in ways that reflect that belief, such as being more cautious and defensive.

In contrast, if we believe that the world is safe, we are more likely to act in ways that reflect that belief, such as being more trusting and adventurous.

We see this all the time on a global scale, with leaders’ personal “inner worlds” having a massive impact and real-world consequences for the world and people around them.

The latest Ukrainian war is a prime example of an out-of-touch leader from a bygone era acting out his own mental constructions of what is “real” in a painfully obvious way that no longer fits with the evolution of human consciousness.

And there are numerous examples from various governments around the world that demonstrate the same thing.

It’s similar to a recent quote by Erich Hartmann that says,

“War is a place where the young kill each other without knowing or hating each other, because of the decision of old people who know and hate each other, without killing each other.”

Erich Hartmann

Mental constructs that are unevolved and out of date are causing real-world harm.

But, alas, I digress…

The point is that whatever meaning you create in your mind about your relationship’s reality will eventually become your truth, upon which you will act and respond.

As a result, working on yourself and growing as a person is always the first step towards changing the world around you and for how to overcome trust issues in relationship(s).

And it all starts with how you perceive yourself.

Start with your self-esteem if you want to solve relationship trust issues.

Work on your self-esteem

Many trust issues in previously thriving relationships stem from personal insecurities.

People who are insecure in their relationships frequently struggle with trust because they are afraid of being hurt or betrayed.

They may believe they can’t trust anyone, which can cause a lot of conflict and tension in the relationship.

These personal insecurities are frequently caused by things like:

  • Previous instances in which someone has been hurt or betrayed
  • Fears of abandonment or of not being good enough
  • Being convinced that one’s partner is untrustworthy
  • Believing that one’s partner is constantly looking for someone better
  • Feeling compelled to conceal aspects of oneself in order to be accepted
  • Expecting one’s partner to be critical or judgemental all of the time

Personal changes, such as weight gain or low self-esteem, can also trigger these personal insecurities because they can make someone feel inadequate.

This can lead to trust issues in a relationship because it makes someone feel like they can’t trust their partner not to judge them or leave them.

relationship trust issues

As a result, if you’ve noticed significant changes in your appearance (for example, weight gain) or a drop in your self-esteem, it’s critical to rebuild your body image and self-worth as an important first step in rebuilding trust in your relationship.

This is significant because people who have high self-esteem trust themselves and their own judgement more than those who have low self-esteem.

They are less likely to question themselves or their decisions, resulting in fewer trust issues in relationships.

Furthermore, people with high self-esteem are usually more confident and secure in themselves, making them less likely to be insecure or jealous in relationships, because it’s common to become suspicious of the company that your significant other keeps when your self-esteem plummets.

Second, if you want to resolve issues of relationship trust,

Reflect on your past

Did something happen in your childhood that made you wary of opening up to anyone or trusting them with your heart?

Did your parents divorce when you were a child?

Have you ever been sexually abused?

These factors, and others, are frequently to blame for your inability to trust others, and unless addressed, will always cause relationship trust issues for you.

So, if you’ve experienced emotional trauma, especially in your youth, the effects can last for decades, and it may be beneficial to speak with a therapist to help you identify the source of the problem and learn how to move past it.

Third, you may have to,

Talk about any indiscretions

If there has been infidelity in your relationship, it is critical to work through any hurt feelings and future expectations, because past indiscretions can easily and frequently become a point from which a couple struggles to move on.

relationship trust issues

There are several reasons why it is critical to openly discuss past indiscretions in order to reestablish trust in a relationship after it has been lost.

First and foremost, both partners in the relationship must be completely honest and open with each other.

It will be difficult to rebuild trust if there are any secrets or things that have been hidden.

Second, discussing the past can help clarify what occurred and why it occurred.

This can help both parties understand each other better and may help to avoid repeating the same mistakes in the future.

Finally, it can assist both parties in determining how they want to proceed.

If a couple can talk about their past and how it led to their current situation, they may be able to avoid making the same mistakes in the future.

It may also be necessary to return to a point where you can.

Recommit yourself to one another

To move past certain things or solve relationship trust issues, a relationship may require a sign of recommitment and devotion.

For example, it can demonstrate that you are both still committed to working through the issues and rebuilding trust, particularly after infidelity and if you decide to proceed.

Second, it can help remind you of why you got together in the first place and what drew you to each other, so you can reconnect with it and build on it again.

Finally, it can help you focus on the positive aspects of your relationship and remind you of the things you love about each other, which can serve as motivation to work harder on your relationship and overcome any current trust issues.

relationship trust issues

So, to recommit to each other, do something special together that symbolises that your love can and will overcome any obstacle.

Alternatively, if you’re married, renew your vows to demonstrate that your love is abundant and can overcome any obstacles that life may throw your way.

This was something my wife and I did on a cruise ship for our tenth anniversary a few years ago.

If you’re still dating, take a relaxing day trip together and write a letter exclaiming your love and devotion to each other.

Finally, to address any relationship trust issues you may be experiencing right now,

Spend more time together

This is so simple, but it has such a powerful impact when done with the right intent and in the right way.

Listen, if you’re anything like my wife and me, you and your partner are constantly changing internally, as are your needs and desires.

That essentially means that you and your spouse are constantly evolving as people, which also means that you will never be married to the same person you were the day before.

We know this biologically because our bodies are constantly changing, but it’s also true in other ways.

By devoting more time to one another, you can ensure that you’re truly there alongside your partner to witness and be a part of those changes.

When you’re not present in each other’s lives, it’s nearly impossible to establish and maintain a happy, healthy, and intimate relationship.

The amount of time you spend with your partner should reflect how emotionally and mentally present you are with each other.

So, spend time learning about your partner’s interests and hobbies by paying attention to what they say.

relationship trust issues

This will allow you to better understand their likes and dislikes, as well as what brings them joy and what may cause them stress.

It will also help you understand your partner as a person better.

Take in the small details about your partner, such as what makes them happy and what makes them cringe.

This will assist you in changing your approach to your spouse as they change.

Conclusion

Trust entails more than simply believing that your partner will be faithful.

It’s about trusting that your partner will always be there for you in times of need while also being a significant part of your life’s most important events.

So, as romantic partners and best friends, work on your relationship trust issues to ensure a happy marriage.

About the author

Gideon Hanekom

Gideon Hanekom is the creator of TheRelationshipGuy.com, a popular relationship blog that ranks among the top 50 relationship blogs in 2024. The website helps couples to create happier, healthier, and more intimate relationships. Gideon is a trained professional counsellor and holds post-graduate degrees in Theology and Psychology. His articles have also been featured on respected platforms such as Marriage.com and The Good Men Project.

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