April 20, 2017 |Gideon Hanekom

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In this post, we look at how to improve self esteem and confidence in just 30 days.

Now, first of all, let me say that I have a strong suspicion that you have a tendency to place more faith in others than you do yourself. Right?!

You’re usually the first person to tell a friend that they should keep going because they have what it takes to succeed.

However, when it comes to encouraging yourself, it is easy to become discouraged owing to feelings of self-doubt. That needs to be addressed immediately.

Let me tell you something: right now, as you’re reading this, I’m mentally preparing myself for the World Masters Games in Auckland, which begin with the opening ceremony at Eden Park tomorrow night and last through the weekend.

I’m competing in two events since they don’t have my favourite one. I’ll be running the 100-meter sprint and doing the Long Jump.

Now, this is what I know about my competition so far.

They come from all across the world. Canada, France, Ghana, Egypt, India, Fiji, Japan, Australia, and, of course, New Zealand are among the countries represented (including the national record holder in my age group).

I’m also aware that a number of these individuals have run faster times than I have during this season’s competition. This is not a result of negative thinking; rather, it is a fact.

How to improve self esteem and confidence

So going into these events I know that I will have to be better than my best has been this last season, in order to be a contender for any of the medals.

The easy temptation right now, for most people, would be to stay home. Give up. Don’t even go and waste your time.

The problem with that mindset is that once you’ve lost before anything has happened yet, you’ve already lost!

In order to show up and do well, I will have to take control of my mindset.

If I don’t control my thoughts, self-talk, and emotions, my physical performance will suffer.

There are no two ways about it. Any athlete will tell you this.

So my task is to travel to this world championship (28,000 athletes competing in various sports, with 2500 of those competing in track and field alone) and find a means to arrive with enough self-confidence and self-belief to have a reasonable chance of achieving a good result in the competition.

Furthermore, I will have to repeat this process a couple of times because I am aware that there are only eight spots available in the finals and we have far more sprinters than that.

The question now becomes, how do I do that?

And more importantly, what can YOU learn from this about how to improve self esteem and confidence in just 30 Days?

How to improve self esteem and confidence

Here is the first thing I would say to you:

It is not fair to cheat yourself out of opportunities.

Having low self esteem and confidence can cause you to lose out on awesome experiences.

And you certainly don’t want that, do you?

Consider the absurdity of missing out on a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity such as the World Masters Games, which take place only every four years, because my confidence failed me.

Nonetheless, this is something that many individuals do.

However, now is the moment to make a change.

Now is a great time to start focusing on yourself and work on boosting your self esteem and confidence.

And the great thing about it is, it’s surprisingly easy to do.

Let me share with you a few simple steps that you can follow for how to improve self esteem and confidence, and who knows, perhaps even open the doors for enjoying many more experiences you couldn’t before.

4 Steps for how to improve self esteem and confidence in just 30 Days

Keep away from hesitation.

When there is hesitancy, it is common for self-doubt to grow.

Self-doubt, on the other hand, is frequently a by-product of fear.

Take a long time to follow through on a spur of the moment decision?

If you notice an opportunity, do you hesitate to seize it?

Do you take your time to pursue it? The longer you wait to pursue a goal, the more justifications you’ll come up with to justify your ineligibility for the position.

As a result, here’s what you should do: If you are able to make a decision immediately, avoid “sleeping on it.” In this scenario, “you snooze, you lose” is literally true.

For a self-doubting person, delaying a reaction almost always results in the loss of confidence to pursue the opportunity.

The longer you wait, the greater the likelihood that you will not follow through, and as a result, you will miss out on the experience or opportunity.

Do you believe you’re not a good fit for a new position you’ve been offered at work?

Forget about that for a moment and think about something else.

Concentrate on the reality that you were actually offered the position for a purpose.

Do you fear you will be unable to obtain a specific contract?

Forget about everything and just submit your proposal and wait to see what happens.

You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by taking the plunge.

Negative thinking should be challenged.

By harbouring negative thoughts, it is very easy to undermine one’s self-confidence.

However, before you accept negative thoughts about yourself as fact, you should dispute the thought pattern.

Instead of believing that you aren’t good enough, take the time to consider the realities of the situation.

Have there been any situations that have given reinforcement to your negative outlook?

If you answered yes, then remind yourself of the many great experiences you’ve had in the past as well.

Simply be conscious of the fact that your mind enjoys playing tricks on you.

When it comes to a certain thing, it will point out all of the negative parts of YOU that are associated with that particular thing in order to convince you to refrain from pursuing that particular thing.


Because your brain is programmed to keep you safe and out of harm’s way at all times, especially when you are experiencing perceived emotional distress.

Be on the lookout for mental patterns that can undermine your self-esteem.

Avoid viewing life as “black or white” and instead choose to live in the grey area from time to time.

You may not possess a unique characteristic, but you may possess the ideal blend of characteristics for your particular situation!

And even if you don’t currently possess a particular ability, there is no reason why you cannot learn it, or at least make an attempt to learn it.

Confidence is usually a by-product of competence.

If you are experiencing a lack of confidence, make a point of developing the skills and knowledge that will help you become more competent.

As a result, your self-assurance will increase.

Always remember to distinguish between your emotions and the facts.

Just because something makes you feel a certain way doesn’t imply that it is true in any way.

Be kind towards yourself.

As someone who lacks confidence, you most likely give yourself a hard time and believe that you are incompetent or ill-equipped for certain tasks.

Having said that, when was the last time you were truly kind to yourself?

Spend a few minutes each day focusing on your positive characteristics.

Remind yourself of the qualities that make you “great” or “amazing” on the inside and the outside.

Remember to celebrate your small victories in order to remind yourself that you are actually more incredible than you give yourself credit for.

There are a variety of things that you excel at. Your life and your achievements are not solely the product of your failures.

You’ve also had a number of achievements, no matter how insignificant they appear to you.

You must keep in mind that whatever small achievement you think you’ve had, someone else may view it as a tremendous victory.

Spend some time with people who are upbeat and optimistic.

Their energy is so easy to rub off on you! Avoid spending time with those who cuddle up with you and listen to your stories, or worse, who give you additional reasons to embrace your self-doubt.

These people aren’t helping you in any way.

Maintain a relationship with someone who is firm in their criticism of your shortcomings.

They are not going to swallow your BS, and they will remind you not to either.

Learn to listen for and accept compliments as they come your way.

The majority of the time, when people compliment you, they truly mean it!

Take the time to genuinely listen to what people have to say about you that is nice and encouraging. Think about it, absorb it, and believe it!

If someone tells you that you’re lovely, take them at their word!

Spend some time listening to the nice things that other people have to say.

And don’t forget to express gratitude at every opportunity.

It aids in the development of positive beliefs in your mind.

Last thoughts

My wife and I will leave for Auckland over the next couple of days, and I will take with me all the confidence in the world.

Am I nervous? Heck yes! Who wouldn’t be!?

But I’m not nervous about failing. I’m excited about representing my country, New Zealand, on some type of world stage where I get to enjoy competing against other awesome guys doing the very same thing.

It’s time to make new friends. It’s a time to enjoy health because many people my age are either dead or can’t run anymore even if they wanted to.

So really, it’s a time to enjoy life, be grateful, and go hard.

Allowing a lack of confidence to take this for me will be a shame.

how to improve self esteem and confidence

With this said, I want you to challenge yourself over the next month.

During the next 30 days, be patient with yourself.

Consider each of the tips above on a daily basis, and gauge how you are applying them to your real life.

And gradually, as with anything else, practising self-confidence will become second nature.

Hopefully, in no time, you will also see the world is in the palm of your hand. And you’ll hear every opportunity calling your name.

Start building your confidence now!

If you have any comments or questions, as always, please leave them below because I love hearing from you.

About the author

Gideon Hanekom

Gideon Hanekom is the creator of TheRelationshipGuy.com, a popular relationship blog that ranks among the top 50 relationship blogs in 2024. The website helps couples to create happier, healthier, and more intimate relationships. Gideon is a trained professional counsellor and holds post-graduate degrees in Theology and Psychology. His articles have also been featured on respected platforms such as Marriage.com and The Good Men Project.

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