by Gideon 

November 13, 2021

successful marriage life

In this post, we’re looking at how to create a successful marriage life through improving verbal intelligence.

Compared to many other Internet articles that look at biblical keys to a successful marriage, successful marriage quotes, top 10 keys to a successful marriage, marriage tips for wife, 15 tips for a successful marriage, or good pieces of marriage advice, and so on, this post takes a different angle.

We are specifically looking at the role that verbal intelligence play in creating a longer and more successful marriage life.

A lot has been written about the role and importance of emotional intelligence in relationships, but verbal intelligence is a unique type of intelligence that hasn’t received any attention on this site.

As a result, what I hope you will take from this article is something different from the “usual” types of relationship advice (albeit important) like Marriage.com’s 15 key secrets to a successful marriage:

  • Be your own person
  • Pay attention and be a good listener
  • We can agree to disagree
  • Communicate effectively: learn your partner’s ‘Love Language’
  • Acceptance
  • Accept responsibility for your actions
  • Do not take each other for granted
  • A night out on the town
  • Include romance
  • Maintain intimacy
  • Compliment one another
  • Seek out the subliminal (underlying) emotion
  • Let go of fantasies and erroneous beliefs
  • Do not exert control over one another
  • Never make divorce threats to one another

Or the expert advice on Oprahdaily.com that may help you create a successful marriage life:

  • Even happy marriages have disagreements
  • Focus on each other’s possitive traits and abilities
  • Don’t look to your partner to make you whole
  • Do stuff and have fun together
  • Make the decision to be smitten with your spouse
  • Have a good laugh with each other
  • Treat each other with respect and kindness
  • Recognize and appreciate the little things and moments in life
  • Show your appreciation for one another
  • Accept that things will change

I recognise that focusing on improving your verbal intelligence is not a common approach to developing a successful marriage life, but research (see below) has found a strong correlation between verbal IQ and having a longer marriage, so it warrants a closer look.

successful marriage life

But first,

What is verbal intelligence?

Learningmind.com defines verbal-linguistic intelligence as,

Verbal-linguistic intelligence is the capacity to comprehend and use language effectively.

Learningmind.com

Additionally, verbal-linguistic intelligence is one of Howard Gardner’s Nine multiple intelligences, according to learningmind.com.

Gardner was a professor of education at Harvard University. He believed that the usual method of assessing IQ was insufficient.

His thesis was that individuals had a variety of qualities and talents, not only intellectual ones.

Verbal-linguistic intelligence refers to the capacity to comprehend and effectively use spoken and written language. 

Verbal intelligence, according to Verywellfamily.com, is the capacity to analyse information and solve issues through language-based reasoning.

They also posit that our modern society is predicated on listening or reading words for meaning and communicating information through spoken language, from classroom instruction to social interactions to texting and email.

Additionally, verbal intelligence, according to Mentalup.co, is the capacity of a person to comprehend and reason with the aid of verbalised concepts.

A person’s skill in interpreting information, communicating, and solving problems is sometimes referred to as a person’s capacity to effectively employ words and their combinations.

Problem-solving, abstract reasoning, and working memory are all associated with it in a broader sense.

successful marriage life

In a nutshell,

Verbal intelligence refers to the capacity to analyse information and solve issues through the use of words.

Now, what does verbal intelligence have to do with a successful marriage life?

Well, let’s think about it for a moment…

If verbal intelligence refers to our ability to analyse information and then solve problems via the use of words, then a relationship can face major difficulties if this capability is lacking or underdeveloped.

Because the more effectively a couple understands information, such as why their spouse is upset about arriving late, and the more effectively they address the situation, such as by validating and apologising, the lower the likelihood of escalating conflict and the greater the likelihood of a peaceful and respectful relationship.

Verbal intelligence and a longer, more successful marriage life

According to Psyblog, research has found that a man’s verbal intelligence level can help forecast the length of his marriage.

Additionally, according to this study higher verbal intelligence is also associated with getting married early in a relationship.

According to the findings of the study, higher verbal intelligence is particularly attractive to younger women.

Perhaps, over the course of a marriage, it is most crucial to have someone who is capable of engaging in meaningful dialogue.

While all kinds of intelligence were found to be helpful in predicting the length of a marriage, verbal intelligence stood out as the most significant — perhaps because it is easier to detect than numerical or logical intelligence.

Perhaps they are correct in their assertion that verbal IQ is easier to detect than numerical or logical intelligence, and thus stands out as the most significant predictor of marriage length, but there could be another reason.

Why could these research results on verbal intelligence be important for creating a successful marriage life?

As previously said,

Verbal intelligence refers to the capacity to analyse information and solve problems via the use of words.

When we put all of this together, especially in the context of a marriage, it becomes clear why there appears to be a strong association between linguistic intelligence and marital duration.

As long as we are able to accurately comprehend the complexities of a situation and use effective communication to navigate the plethora of tricky situations that marriage and life frequently present, we have a much better chance of reducing the likelihood that conflict will arise and increasing the likelihood that positive feelings and subsequent intimacy will develop.

It goes without saying that the inverse is also true.

successful marriage life

When we are unable to communicate our thoughts and feelings clearly and precisely, we face the risk of stating something vaguely and raising the likelihood of misunderstandings, misinterpretation, and disagreement.

Similarly, according to Sintelly.com, the most significant benefit connected with verbal intelligence is the capacity to communicate effectively.

They argue that communication is essential when it comes to connecting with other people in our immediate environment, which is something I tend to agree with as well.

Additionally, Lifehack.org makes the point that mastery of the use of words and verbal intelligence is the most critical talent we gain because the acquisition of additional skills is contingent upon our ability to comprehend language.

Now, of course, I’ve written extensively about the necessity of emotional connection as the foundation of effective communication, but communication is still the primary means by which most of us as humans engage with one another regardless of our differences.

As a result, the greater your capacity to communicate effectively is, the more advantageous it is for you to have a successful marriage life.

In contrast, having high levels of linguistic intelligence does not ensure a successful marriage life.

Simply said, it is something that you can use to your benefit.

But what if you don’t have a high level of linguistic intelligence?

Fortunately, verbal intelligence is not a fixed characteristic.

To be sure, as with anything, some people possess greater verbal intelligence than others.

For example, in terms of brain structure and function, females are more likely than males to have an advantage in linguistics because females have significantly greater activation in language areas of the brain than males, according to research conducted by Northwestern University.

However, this does not rule out the possibility of increasing or improving your current levels of verbal intelligence.

How to develop your verbal intelligence?

Several websites, including Learningmind.com, assert that even if we are not exceptionally skilled at a particular intellect, we may improve our talents with specific exercises and lots of practice.

Their recommendations include, among other things, the following, which I personally find to be very useful:

Have dinner table discussions with your family

It is important to engage in conversation with others if you want to improve your language intelligence.

Take advantage of any and all opportunities to speak with a diverse range of people and learn about their ideas, experiences, and perspectives.

successful marriage life

Furthermore, as an immigrant living in a place where the majority of our friends’ first language is our second and we live in our second language, the ability to have discussions and learn new ways of phrasing things is very useful.

The ability to communicate more simply and clearly can be improved through having conversations with others and challenging yourself to express yourself more concisely or clearly.

Participate in word games

Another excellent technique to boost your verbal-linguistic intelligence is to participate in word games.

Scrabble, Boggle and Bananagrams are just a few of the many options.

It’s also a terrific method to improve your communication skills while also benefiting from the information and ideas of others.

Each day, try to learn a new word.

Again, as a second language speaker, I can vouch for the fact that learning a new word every day is an excellent approach to expand your vocabulary and become a more effective and articulate communicator and writer in general.

A simple approach to achieve this is to subscribe to a dictionary website that features a daily word.

In addition, Lifehack.com recommends that you do the following:

Note down new words every day

Whenever you encounter a new word, you should consult a dictionary and spend some time learning its definition and origin. As a result, we must be disciplined if we don’t want to miss out on the potential to learn more.

As an example, let’s imagine you stumble across the term philology.

It refers to the study of language and the development of language throughout history.

It derives from the ancient Greek terms philos, which means friend, and logos, which means word; hence, philology’s roots signify “love of words.”

During your exploration of the philanthropic and philosophical terms in this section of the dictionary, you may observe that they all derive from the same Greek root of philos, and that they all allude to the love of something.

This is the first step on the road to becoming a philologist, someone who is passionate about words and is interested in the scientific study of language.

It is important to try to employ new terms in context as you expand your vocabulary because this will aid in your ability to recall them.

Make an effort to read more

They also recommend reading, which I believe is the most effective and simplest technique to improve your verbal intelligence.

successful marriage life

According to some, modern life leaves little time for leisure activities such as reading since people are overburdened with work and information from sources like television, telephone, and the internet.

Nonetheless, reading the works of truly great writers is one of the most effective ways to hone our verbal abilities.

There are two benefits to reading well-written works: first, it improves your vocabulary.

At the same time, it will aid in the development of our fundamental skills in comprehension, vocabulary, and expression.

If we want to absorb knowledge quickly, we should spend most of our time fast reading.

Speed reading can be learned through a variety of resources, including books, online classes, blogs, and YouTube.

Jim Kwik, for example, is one of my favourite mentors, and you can learn more about how to read faster here.

It is important, however, that when we come across a piece of writing that we consider to be particularly well-written or coherent, we re-read it and study what makes it so effective.

Also, if you’re lucky enough to have a spouse who enjoys reading, they recommend that you read aloud to each other.

When you’ve finished reading a good book, you can share your thoughts with your spouse.

What did you take away from it?

Is there anything in particular that the author brought up that you agree with or disagree with?

This can be a really fun way to spend time with your spouse, and it also has the added benefit of strengthening your bond and communication levels.

On a personal level, I enjoy reading works of Stoic philosophy in the mornings (for example, the writings of Epictetus, Marcus Aurelius, and Seneca), and religious history and/or psychology in the evenings before bed.

I believe it to be quite beneficial for both my personal and language development and growth.

However, you can choose whatever interests you; even reading good magazines with informative articles may pique your interest and prompt further research, as well as provide topics for conversation with your spouse.

Take away idea

Many factors contribute to successful marriage life, but developing yourself is one that many couples in relationship trouble overlook.

Improving your verbal intelligence is one such way, as there appears to be a link between your ability to understand information and express yourself clearly (verbally) and relationship success.

This also makes sense because we know that healthy and constructive communication is essential to the overall quality and experience of a relationship.

That is especially true when couples have high levels of emotional maturity and intelligence and are able to feel comfortable with their emotions and express them clearly to the other person.

In this case, they avoid the accumulation of unhealthy emotions, which run the risk of erupting at some point and causing irreparable damage to the relationship.

In short, it appears that investing time in developing your own verbal intelligence, possibly combined with emotional intelligence, is a wise move if you want to begin building a successful marriage life.

There are also so many ways to do it nowadays that it’s almost impossible to come up with any excuses not to.

About the author 

Gideon

Gideon is the founder of TheRelationshipGuy.com, a top-50 relationship blog (2021) and top-100 marriage blog (2021) focused on providing healthy relationship advice about love and life. He earned a Master's degree in theological studies before training as a professional counsellor and hypnotherapist (DipProfCouns., DipMSHT.) almost 10 years ago. He is currently pursuing further graduate Psychology studies at Massey University while working as a relationship and dating blogger the majority of the time. He has been married to his wife for over fifteen years and is the father of two children.

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