by Gideon

July 14, 2021

It’s a crazy idea, I know, but the best way to avoid divorce is by creating a happy and healthy marriage.

Becoming an unhappy and unhealthy couple is not a one-time event.

We don’t wake up one day after an argument and find our marriage in shambles.

We do however wake up one day after another argument to discover it was that one too many which caused the whole thing to collapse.

It is always the accumulation of too many wrong things and too few right things that ultimately suffocates the life out of love.

Ironically, however, the one thing that holds the power to help couples avoid the fate of divorce is frequently also the very thing they avoid or leave until last.

One does not avoid divorce by reaching a good place first and then creating a happy and healthy marriage.


One avoids divorce by creating a happy and healthy marriage amidst the turmoil, frustration, anger, uncertainty, and perhaps even moments of lacking commitment.

That comes first if you want to avoid an unfortunate end.

The bad things are not overcome first before one creates a happy and healthy marriage.

Creating a happy and healthy marriage is the way to overcome and avoid.

You start by dealing with conflicts more lovingly while conflict exists, not in the absence of conflict.

You learn to begin making more frequent better small decisions in the right direction, even as you’re staring down the abyss.

You choose to be open to change, starting with yourself…always, even in a context lacking any certainty of efficacy or reciprocation. There are no guarantees even when you give it your best.

You must commit to staying positive, even when you have every reason to be negative.

In the end, finding a way to show love despite a plethora of reasons not to is the only path to experience more love and avoid losing it all.

About the author 


Gideon is the Owner of The Relationship Guy, a top-100 marriage advice blog that helps married couples create happier relationships. He is a trained professional counsellor (DipProfCouns., DipMSHT.), has been happily married for over fifteen years and is a dad of two.​ He also holds Bachelor and Master degrees in the field of Theology and is currently studying Psychology at Massey University (New Zealand).

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