If you are a single person who has been on the search to find love for some time, this is what you need to improve first to find love according to guest author and veteran relationship/dating coach of over 12 years, Jason Fladien.
It Has Nothing to Do with You. Really
If you are a single person who has been on the search to find love for some time, chances are you may have been told by several people that it has nothing to do with you.
These well-meaning friends and family may have you convinced that there is nothing that you need to change about yourself and that you haven’t found Mr. or Mrs Right because of circumstances out of your control.
The problem is that these people are not helping you to find love.
Their opinion is kind, but not beneficial.
If you are serious about finding love, and you have been trying for a while, it does have something to do with you.
Even though it may not be fun to hear, you are going to have to make some serious changes in your life if you want to be able to find love.
First, let’s explore some of the reasons why you are single.
Your Relationship with Yourself
There is no one in the world who you spend more time with than yourself.
Since that is the case, you need to ask yourself the following questions:
- How is my relationship with myself?
- How do I talk to myself?
- Am I critical of myself?
- Do I like the person who I am?
- Am I happy with my looks?
- Do I feel fulfilled in life?
If you have a negative response to any one of those questions, it is likely that you have to deal with the issues that you have with yourself first before you will find love.
If you are harbouring serious feelings of insecurity or self-loathing, you can not think that a partner is going to fix you.
A partner is not someone who has the sole purpose of making you feel happy and fulfilled, that is your job.
Jason Fladien
Your partner is much more like a microscope than a bandaid.
If you can deal with your own serious issues on your own with the help of friends, family and self-help books, then that is great.
If you make the savvy decision to search out professional help, it could be well worth the investment.
What Are Your Expectations?
You may be a person who does not have serious personal issues that are keeping you from finding love, but what are your expectations?
What do you want from love?
Are your expectations attainable?
Your issue may not be that you can’t attract the opposite sex or find love; the issue may be that your standards are too high.
If you have too many requirements for finding love, it is possible that you are not being realistic, and that can be detrimental to your love life.
Does your partner have to be tall, thin, beautiful, handsome, smart, rich, smart, funny, and witty?
If those are the requirements that you have for a partner, do you possess all of those qualities in perfect harmony?
The answer to that question is probably no.
If you are like other singles, then you may be holding out for that perfect partner.
The problem is that no one is perfect; that includes you.
If you are requiring more from your partner than even you can give, that may be why you are single and you’re struggling to find love.
If you are highly successful and extremely attractive, does that mean that your partner has to be?
Even if you are amazing, there is only one of you in the world, so it is unfair to expect an opposite-sex version of yourself.
You do have to be reasonable or you may never find love and good match.
Standards are wonderful, but unattainable high requirements are just a hindrance to love.
Jason Fladien
What Distracts
Neediness is one thing that could also be keeping you from finding love.
When you get a partner, do you act as if he or she is the only person of importance in your life?
Do you feel like your life is meaningless without him or her?
Do you constantly call your partner?
Do you get insecure if your partner is not with you?
Do you smother your partner?
If any of those scenarios are true, then you are a needy person.
Neediness is highly unappealing and will keep you from finding love.
When you are needy, you come off as having low self-esteem.
No one wants to be with a needed person because there is too much emotional responsibility.
In a relationship, each person should be able to exist autonomously.
In a healthy relationship, each person should want to love each other, but each person should not feel like he or she needs the other person in order to feel happy.
Neediness is a huge relationship killer.
What Attracts
Contrary to popular belief, confidence is a highly attractive quality and will help you find love.
Confidence should not be confused with pretentiousness.
A person who is pretentious comes off as full of himself or herself, and that is not attractive.
A person who is confident knows what he or she has to offer.
This is not a person who thinks that he or she is better than anyone else, it is just a person who values himself or herself, and this person does not need to prove or disprove anything.
This is not the person who feels like always having the first or the last word.
It is a person who is sure of his or her abilities but feels no need to brag about them to others.
Confidence can be defined as acceptance.
Find Love
If you are a person who is looking to find love, there is no need to despair.
There are millions of people who are looking for love in the world.
In order to find a partner, more than attraction is needed. You have to be able to attract a person and truly be a person of character.
Jason Fladien
This does not mean that you have to be perfect.
It does not mean that you have to be a genius.
It just means that you have to be a person who is reasonable, loving, forgiving, and willing to learn and grow.
If you are a person who is shallow, you are going to attract shallow partners.
If you are a person with low self-esteem, you are going to attract partners with low self-esteem.
If you are a person with a good moral compass who accepts yourself for who you are, you will attract the like.
In order to find and keep love, work on your insecurities, be vulnerable, be genuine, and be open to all of the possibilities that will come to you when you are ready to accept yourself.
Love is in your future, but you have to take control.
