December 2, 2021 |Daniel Lichtman

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In this post, we’re looking at 6 reasons why you might be attracting people with toxic personality traits and how to fix that.

Do you often feel bad for frequently encountering or attracting people with toxic personality traits into life?

Do you ever wonder why they manipulate you in detrimental ways?

Even after showing a positive approach and attitude, do you find their negativity to spoil your well-being in no time?

Well, you are not alone!

Many people around us are threatened by a person’s positive attitude.

These people subconsciously feel uncomfortable with your strengths and make you an easy target.

Especially when you stay calm in a situation when the opposite person is showing you a rude attitude.

Instead of being apologetic, the toxic person takes advantage of it.

These people make every possible attempt to limit peace and spoil your happiness.

But, how should we deal with these people?

Should you suppress your strengths and allow them to create problems in your life?

Definitely Not! 

To remedy this problem, you need to educate yourself, set boundaries, and gain self-control.

In this way, individuals with toxic personality traits can never misuse you.

But first, let us dig out

The top reasons for attracting people with toxic personality traits:


You are an Amazing Listener 

In this fast-moving world, life is busy. We can see a high rate of dual-income families, making it difficult to find a great listener.

However, when people find one, they try to make the most of the rare opportunity.

People with toxic personality traits will never end talking to you until they are done with the entire story.

Whether you show a lack of interest through body language or verbal cues, nothing can stop them.

Their negative life stories will keep going, ignoring the fact that you are not interested. All they want is to release their frustration.

They are not concerned about how this act can make you feel depressed and unmotivated.

Thus, you become the target.

The Fix

Here you need to master the art of avoiding toxic people.

So, always decide the length of conversational time with them.

It should never exceed five minutes.

The more time you give, the more toxicity they will release.

But, how will you end it? Plan beforehand.

Here are a few suggestions:

It was good talking to you, but I have to reach home” or “I understand but we will discuss this later as I need to take care of some stuff.”  

The core element of deploying this tactic is to match your words with body language.

But, you need to understand the reason for making an excuse for your body language to display what you are saying.

It may sound odd, but it works.

You are an Open Book 

Many of us have life goals.

But, sharing such goals sends an invitation to toxic people.

They will start assuming you are greedy and selfish.

With the fear of seeing you as a successful individual, they start planning for negativity.  

They will plant seeds for discouragement, hopelessness, and doubt.

Once you start progressing, they may double their efforts.

The Fix

Avoid sharing your biggest dreams and goals with toxic individuals.

Even if they insist, make excuses.

Moreover, sharing dreams is not a bad idea, if done with the right people.

So, surround yourself with positive and passionate individuals.

You are a Bridge Builder 

Toxic Personality Traits

Disputes and conflicts can never stay unresolved in front of a bridge builder.

If you are one of them, you will make every possible effort to make things work.

Sadly, someone with a toxic personality will never get ready for compromise.

They will always talk about destroying the bridge rather than building it.

The Fix 

Some relationships need time and space, while others can never work, no matter what you do. 

Sit back and relax.

Take your time analyzing the number of times you went to resolve a dispute due to the toxic person’s behaviour.

If it’s happening a lot, it might be the right time to end the hopeless venture.

So, stand up!

Stop wasting your resources and time on something that doesn’t give value to you.

You are ready to Give Enough Time 

Being generous is good but up to some extent.

Toxic individuals can spoil your generosity.

They may keep disturbing you if you are ready to be there for them every second.

For instance, you always get ready to explain a task from scratch, even if you have explained it several times before.

This habit enables people with toxic personality traits to become dependent on you as they know you have enough time for them.

But, their demands will never stop.

Every time they expect a little more of your precious time.

Thus, you will feel resentful.

The Fix 

Rather than welcoming every toxic person to take your time, set some limitations.

Like you can create a guideline and send it to the person instead of explaining the task from scratch.

In this way, the toxic person will put the effort into reading and understanding it. 

Does it sound selfish? No!

Boundaries are the best protective measure for your well-being.

If you care for your loved ones, preserve the best for them!

Stop thinking about those who want to see you tied up all the time.

You are an Easy Going Person 

Who doesn’t love to stay around easy-going people?

It’s a blessing indeed!

Even in the most challenging situations, they maintain their calm and help others with comforting words.

Thus, compliments like sympathetic, patient, and helpful are often associated with their personality.

Unfortunately, these people are an easy target for toxic personalities.

When they see that the other person is kind and gentle, they do not miss any chance of utilizing it.

Thus, they start controlling you in their ways, making it difficult for you to resist.

The Fix

Understand how people can misuse your easy-going personality.

Even before asking for help, they know your reply.

For instance, whenever they call you for a favour, you always say, “why not? I will do it” or “anytime, I am here for you,” etc.

They take your words in a literal sense.

So, it would help if you stopped the assumption of automatically accepting requests.

You can do so by changing your response.

You can say, “I apologize but I’m really busy today,” or “I am stuck at the moment but I will call you later,” etc.

It will ensure that the situation is not open-ended. 

You have a Super Positive View of Human Nature

Toxic Personality Traits

People are naturally kind, soft-hearted, and sympathetic; this is what many of us assume.

Sadly, our assumption is often challenged by a few people we meet.

Even after experiencing the darker side, accepting this reality becomes difficult.

Narcissist, selfish, deceptive, and possessive individuals with toxic personality traits are everywhere.

But, we carry our relationship with the hope that they will change.

Did you ever experience a change in them?

Such people hardly change.

We keep on accepting their unkind acts and abusive behaviour.

With time, we do not even realize that we are in a toxic relationship.

The Fix 

Being human, you are gifted with a commendable ability to sense harm.

This ability is not just limited to physical harm, but emotional harm too.

If you feel emotional discomfort, do not take a second to think again.

Prolonging it will become difficult as these assumptions commonly result in anxiety, anger, and depression.

Moreover, if you are experiencing emotional discomfort, never ignore your feelings.

Just ask a few questions to yourself:

  • Why do I get this feeling whenever I meet this person?
  • What can be the reason behind it?
  • How can I resolve this discomfort with positive action?

Just like pain in any part of the body signals an underlying issue, emotional discomfort is a warning sign of a toxic relationship.

Wrapping It Up 

You are a great person.

Your goodness and positivity for others are commendable.

But, it needs to be magnified rather than diminished.

So, keep the best for the best people around you.

Never stop being who you are.

But take prompt actions in signs of danger.

Protective and positive measures are essential.

Good Luck!

About the author

Daniel Lichtman

Daniel Lichtman, MA, is a registered psychotherapist (PACFA Australia) and certified transformational coach (Circling Institute, USA) with over 8,000 hours of experience. He has a full-time private counselling and psychotherapy practice at Integrated Ways.

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