August 12

How to Save Your Relationship with 7 Pieces of Advice from Couples Therapists

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In this post, we’re looking at how you can save your relationship with seven pieces of advice from couples therapists, as I’m a huge believer in learning from the experience of other people. We can sometimes shortcut the process between learning and result simply by learning the right strategies from others who know better.

“Love is when the other person’s happiness is more important than your own.” – H. Jackson Brown

I’m a big fan of the concept of “modelling.” It’s the idea that says by “modelling something or someone” you replicate much of the same results in your own life.

Think about this for a moment – irrespective of what you’re going through with your partner right now – at this very moment there are couples who have extremely solid, happy and fulfilling relationships which you can learn from.

Even if you’re trying to overcome a really crappy situation right now, there is a couple somewhere, who has been there, done that, and got through it with the t-shirt. And you can learn from them.

You can essentially “model” what they’re doing in order to replicate some of the same results they are getting.

The truth is that happy couples do certain things completely differently from unhappy couples. It’s got very little to do with luck, personalities, circumstances, family influence, finances, personal anxiety or feelings of depression, etc.

It’s all about how you choose to respond to circumstances that makes the difference. It’s also about the quality of the foundation you have as a couple that determines the strength of your relationship in dealing with whatever life throws at you.

So, the question is: would you like to have a stronger, happier relationship or marriage?

If so, you have to realise that happiness in your relationship is not something that happens by accident. Happiness in a relationship is rather the result of several small things done on a daily basis. And the good news is that these small tasks are within your reach.

With just a little time and attention you have the potential to grow your relationship into a great source of happiness for both you and your partner.

To help you do that, I will share with you seven (7) simple pieces of advice from couples therapists that you can start applying to your situation to strengthen your relationship, right away.

But, why couples therapists? Because they see a wide range of relationship issues on a daily basis.

Their advice can help you heal and save your relationship. And once you start taking action to make these tips positive habits, you’re putting yourself in a position to create a joyful, healthy, fulfilling, and positive relationship.

7 Pieces of Advice from Couples Therapists that Could Save Your Relationship:

  1. Pay attention to your argument patterns.

Are you arguing about the same topics repeatedly without ever resolving them?

If so, you could be run the risk of falling into negative patterns of conflict resolution which have the power to disintegrate your relationship.

You need to make time to work through these issues together before they become bigger challenges. Try to find positive solutions that bring benefits to both of you.

In addition, noticing the patterns can help you break them.

As soon as you see yourself slipping into the same argument pattern, stop right there.

Use what we call “pattern interrupts,” which shifts the energy of the moment.

Taking time out to go away and calm down before coming back to deal with the issue in a more controlled manner, could make a huge difference in your long term happiness.

  1. Encourage each other.

Does your partner want to get a college degree?

Do you want to pursue a new hobby?

It’s important that couples support each other to build a strong relationship.

This also means embracing any changes that occur over time. Encourage each other in pursuing new dreams, goals, and activities.

  1. Make your partner (and your relationship) a top priority.

Instead of putting your mother, father, or another family member ahead of your partner, make your spouse a top priority.

It is super easy to get caught in what experts call, Triangles and Cross-Generational Coalitions, which effectively cause couples to be in competition with one another rather than play on the same team.

Your spouse is your top priority above everything else. Everything else benefits from a healthy relationship between you.

  1. Learn to tolerate differences.

You’re unique and different from your partner. That’s normal.

However, let the little quirks and issues bring you closer together instead of farther apart.

Let your strengths compliment your partner. Let your partner’s talents shore up your weaknesses. This way, you can lean on and uplift each other.

It’s vital to learn to live with (and love) differences.

Your partner’s way of doing things can be just as good as yours.

Do you have a specific way of loading the dishwasher that differs from your partner?

Do you handle your child’s homework assignments in a unique way?

These types of differences need tolerance and acceptance for a relationship to stay healthy.

  1. Surprise each other.

Surprises, big and small, can make your relationship stronger.

Send your partner a nice text message. Send some chocolates or flowers to their office.

These small gestures say more than you can ever imagine.

  1. Listen to each other.

Couples therapists often hear complaints about one partner not listening to the other one during conversations or arguments.

Effective communication is the key to a thriving relationship, and listening to understand is at the heart of that.

If you don’t listen to each other, you can’t understand the thoughts, feelings, and issues that matter, which means you run the risk of drifting apart emotionally first, and physically eventually.

  1. Avoid letting the children take over your lives.

Although you need to love and care for your children in the very best ways that you can, it’s also important that they don’t dominate your entire relationship.

You must make your relationship or marriage a priority to serve your kids best.

So, there you have it – seven pieces of advice from couples therapists that could improve or save your relationship.

The truth is you can have a strong, healthy, and joyous relationship with your partner.

But it starts by always remembering that your partner is the most important thing in your life, and making it a point to show your love each day.

Please leave your comments or questions below.

Live and love fully my Friend!

Gideon H.

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Tags

advice from couples therapists, Couples Counselling Advice, from couples partner, relationship couples, therapists advice


About the author
Gideon Hanekom

Gideon Hanekom is a relationship coach and the creator of The Relationship Guy – a Top Marriage Coaching and Relationship Advice Blog that helps married couples create healthier relationships. He is a trained professional counsellor and one of New Zealand’s top relationship bloggers and coaches. He’s been happily married for over fourteen years and is a dad of two.​ He also holds Bachelor and Master degrees in the field of Theology and is currently studying post-graduate Psychology at Massey University.

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