Value a Long Term Relationship and Not Short Term Success

by The Relationship Guy
August 21, 2021

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To truly value a long term relationship and not short term success, means building and sustaining a trusting bond above most things.

But trust is something that builds over time and not in a matter of one or two conversations.

Yes, you can feel close to someone really quickly, but that doesn’t always mean you should them your soul straightaway.

I’ve been saying for a long time that,

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“No amount of therapy can overcome the wrong choice in partner!”

Some people will jump in bed with someone after one or two dates, but that’s a risky move because what do you really know about this other person you’ve just shared your body with?

Long-term trust is always built on the small things you and your partner do or go through every single day, week after week, year after year.

Deep trust, therefore, happens over time and cannot happen in one day or after one date.

It happens as a result of you doing what you SAID you would or by doing things that make each of you happy.

But trust also grows when you are open to and experience new things together, for it teaches you how the other one responds in novel situations and also how to rely on each other.

Ultimately, if you value a long term relationship, then you need to start seeing small daily actions and achieving little goals together as a way to move you and your partner toward a more stable and secure long-term relationship.

Every new experience essentially builds on top of each other to eventually create a strong foundation for a successful long term relationship.

Conversely though, playing the short game and aiming to score in the short run, like having sex after the first date, will not contribute towards long term relationship success, in my opinion, and experience after coaching many different couples.

One of the problems with moving too fast with someone without healthy relationship boundaries is because the flames that burn the brightest often burn the quickest.

In other words, when you feel really close to someone, which is natural for any new relationship but move the relationship ahead super quickly, those feelings and the relationship itself run the risk of burnout.

Now, I also have to say that it’s not always the case. There are exceptions.

My (now) wife and I got engaged after 3 months and married after 8, and we’re still happily married after 15+ years.

So it can work out.

But more often than not, when the flame burns bright and quickly at the start, it tends to burn out just as fast in the end.

I personally have numerous past relationships as examples of that too.

Again, to be clear, burning bright is fun and normal, because if a relationship has NO flames at the start at all, that’s a problem too!

So burn away, just be cautious not to burn it.

At the end of the day, to value a long term relationship means building trust and a strong bond slowly and steadily over time.

But throwing your heart and soul into someone you don’t know can easily lead to unforeseen problems or issues in your life that you may suffer from for years to come.

Value a long term relationship rather than short term success.

About the author 

The Relationship Guy

Gideon Hanekom is the founder of, a top-50 relationship blog (2021) and top-100 marriage blog (2021) which focuses on providing healthy relationship advice about love and life. He earned a Master's degree in theological studies before training as a professional counsellor almost 10 years ago. He also completed graduate studies in Psychology and is currently pursuing postgraduate Psychology studies at Massey University. He has been married to his wife for over seventeen years and is the dad of two children. His articles have been published on and The Good Men Project.

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