Pretending Has a Cost

by The Relationship Guy
July 28, 2021

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The things we often want to do least, are usually the very things we must do to create new experiences in our lives.

How many times don’t we end up looking for yet another way to get to a result we want, while already knowing what needs to be done?

Another book.

Another course.

Another seminar.

Another coach.

Another therapist.

So many times procrastination is really just a form of avoidance.

We tend to easily avoid things instead of actively pursuing them.

It’s safer, less scary, more convenient, and far less effort.

But, we still end up playing games of pretending by finding ways to keep busy with things loosely related to the real thing because it creates the illusion of progress which appeases our conscience.

And God knows, we need to keep up appearances for our family, spouses, kids, friends, colleagues, or the stranger following me online.

For only one thing’s worse than pretending, and that’s being deemed as unimportant or unsuccessful.

So, we play the game…

The problem with pretending, however, is that it’s equally exhausting and time-consuming, not to mention costly.

That means not only do we refrain from making progress, we’re also paying an opportunity cost.

Because for everything we say “yes” to, we’re by default saying “no” to something else.

Opening the book is not the same as reading the book.

Now, imagine how costly pretending otherwise becomes when that book contains life-changing information or insights.

What’s the real cost of opening but not reading.

Getting married is not the same as staying married.

And pretending that they are, becomes increasingly more costly over time.

What is the real price of that ignorance or blissful avoidance?

About the author 

The Relationship Guy

Gideon Hanekom is the founder of, a top-50 relationship blog (2021) and top-100 marriage blog (2021) which focuses on providing healthy relationship advice about love and life. He earned a Master's degree in theological studies before training as a professional counsellor almost 10 years ago. He also completed graduate studies in Psychology and is currently pursuing postgraduate Psychology studies at Massey University. He has been married to his wife for over seventeen years and is the dad of two children. His articles have been published on and The Good Men Project.

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