July 20, 2018 |Gideon

 

Relationship Goals – How to Reach Yours Faster

At the time of me writing this article, the phrase “relationship goals” gets 301,000 searches per month on Google. That is really interesting, because most people I know and work with as Relationship Coach, have very few goals for most parts of their lives, let alone their relationships.

But, having goals is the fastest way to achieving the results you want – even in our relationships.

So, let’s look at how you can reach your relationship goals faster because the quality of your life depends on it.

Let’s first asked the question,

Why are goals so important?

They are important because they are extremely helpful in achieving any outcome or result we desire in life.

Unless you know the destination you want to reach, in any area of your life, it is impossible to know which direction and action(s) to take.

Goals in general help to keep us moving forward, even when you’re uncertain or down about something. 

Focusing on your goals, therefore, gives you purpose, direction and enjoyment in life.

Without knowing where you’re going or what you want to achieve, you are essentially rendered powerless.

Why?

Because you have no freakin idea what you want and how to get there.

And this applies to every single area of our life. Relationships included.

It is very important to remember that not all goals have to be about work or money.

There are plenty of goals that have to do with hobbies, travel, other areas of life, and yes, our relationship.

The truth is, however, relationships and relationship goals are an often-overlooked key ingredient to the overall quality and enjoyment of your life.

Don’t make the mistake like many people do, of thinking that goals only apply to the “hard-core” areas of your life – like career and wealth.

Achieving any new result in your life, whether it’s losing weight or improving your marriage, requires a new direction as well as new actions to get you there.

Doing the same thing over and over, like you’ve been doing, will definitely not get you to a new place in your relationship – or any other area of life.

If you want a new result you’ve gotta start doing new things.

You have to take new types of action.

But it starts with knowing the new result or experience that you want in your life and relationship.

So the first question, you have to ask yourself here today is,

“What Kind of Relationship Goals Do I Have?”

In order to reach your relationship goals, you need to consider what they typically look like in character.

Relationship goals are sometimes less specific in nature than goals for money or certain accomplishments, but they still need to be specific enough to be attainable.

It’s always important to ask yourself – how would I know when I’ve achieved my goal” – when you set any type of goal.

Including relationship goals.

It cannot be that vague that it is impossible to measure or track.

Now, as with most other goals, relationship goals can also be helpful or unhelpful.

When a goal puts pressure on you to do things hastily or what you don’t truly value, it is unhelpful.

In terms of relationship goals, if you have a goal like “getting married before you’re 25 years old,” you could end up rushing yourself and marrying the wrong person.

Conversely, having healthy and helpful relation goals can improve the quality of your marriage.

For example, making it a goal to hug your wife four times a day for no particular reason apart from loving her, could hugely deepen your connection and levels of intimacy.

These are both examples of pretty specific relationship goals, but with vastly different outcomes.

But, again, it comes back to knowing what it is that you actually want to achieve in your relationship (or with your life), and putting the goals in place that will create that.

Having a loving relationship depends on doing certain things differently from having a bad relationship.

If you want a loving relationship, you need to set certain actionable relationship goals in place, in order to build up to that type of relationship.

So, to help you achieve your relationship goals faster, let me share with you a few simple strategies you can use to help yourself.

Try these strategies to help yourself achieve your relationship goals sooner: 

  1. Know yourself.

Take the time to understand and get to know yourself, so you know what you want and have to offer in a relationship.

Many people end up setting goals in their lives they don’t really care about.

And so, they might have the goals but they never follow through on them.

Setting and achieving your relationship goals faster comes down to your self-knowledge.

If you are in a good place, mentally, emotionally, and physically, you are much more inclined to be patient while knowing what you truly want and going after it.

People who set unhealthy relationship goals, or lack of them all together, are usually also people who are out of touch with themselves.

Differently put, they are not aligned with themselves.

They still have much personal growth to undergo in order to know themselves, before they can have clarity about what type of relationship they actually want or create.

Do the work and get to know yourself.

  1. Stabilize your financial life.

Money worries or challenges can affect a relationship in many negative ways, sometimes even before it even gets going.

As with the previous point of knowing yourself, make sure that you have some financial stability or healthy money habits in place before setting any relationship goals.

Now, again, it doesn’t matter whether you’re in a relationship or still wanting to get into one.

Stability around finances makes a huge difference for most couples.

If that wasn’t the case, fighting over finances, wouldn’t have been on the list of the 10 most common problems couples fight about.

Also, when we have some kind of financial stability, it frees us up to work on many other related goals we might have.

Now, at this stage, I can hear some of you saying – “what if I don’t have a lot of money?”

The issue isn’t whether you have a lot of money or not, but rather whether you have sufficient financial stability within your specific situation.

Growing up, my parents didn’t have a lot of money by any means, but there was just enough stability to keep things going.

Until things changed for the better.

Without some financial stability, concerns around money become the overriding factor.

The goal is also not to remain in a “just enough” situation but to get out of it.

When you have more finances at your disposal, achieving any of your other relationship goals become a lot easier.

I can speak from experience since I’ve been in both situations.

So, if a lack of money is a current reality in your relationship, perhaps that needs to become one of your first and major relationship goals.

To improve your financial situation.

Maybe, “having kids” shouldn’t be on your list of relationship goals at this stage, or just yet.

Perhaps,“pouring your money into education or some investment” is the better relationship goal right now.

Please hear my heart, I’m not telling you when to have kids are not.

I’m simply making a point about how well-timed relationship goals can help you achieve your ultimate relationship goals in the end.

Financial stability, or developing healthy money habits, go a long way in helping you achieve your long-term relationship goals faster.

I know that talking about money is not a popular thing these days, but it is still a necessity in the world we live in.

Whether we like it or not.

The issue here is not whether having a lot of money is right or not, but rather how it impacts you achieving any of your relationship goals faster.

And it will impact it one way or the other.

  1. Be open to new experiences.

If you want to achieve your relationship goals faster, you need to become open to new experiences.

And it doesn’t matter whether you’re still looking for someone or having been married for 30 years.

This principle applies across the board.

Whenever I get couples coming to me for relationship coaching because they find themselves stuck in a rut, one of the major issues is almost always a lack of variety in their lives.

What does that mean?

It means that humans thrive on new experiences.

Even though they are often scary.

It opens us up for experiencing new feelings, growing, and getting a new perspective.

All these things are important for the growth of our relationship.

Now, I’m not talking about going to a different country every other week, but rather about leaving your comfort zone from time to time and putting yourself in unfamiliar situations to experience new things.

get a coach

If you are only looking to date at this stage, it is even more important for you to be open to new experiences.

Not with the intention of meeting a partner, but rather with the goal of getting to know yourself better as well as meeting more people.

So, get off the couch and into the game.

Get out there and meet new people.

Attend sports clubs, the gym, Cross Fit, faith communities, community events, and other gatherings where you can meet people with similar interests.

I know we live in the era of apps and online services, and that’s great.

But here’s the thing, it doesn’t matter how you meet people.

At the end of the day, you still need to get off the couch and into the relationship game.

There is no app that will do the hard yards for you. Not with real people anyway.

You still need to put yourself out there, face the risk of rejection or embarrassment, and ultimately doing what needs to be done to reach any of your relationship goals.

Even if it’s only to get into a relationship at this stage.

Take Away …

Setting relationship goals is one of the smarter things you can do if you want to achieve any new relationship goals.

It doesn’t matter whether your goal is simply getting into a relationship or improving your long-term marriage.

Creating any new result in your love life won’t simply happen by itself.

As with most other things in life, you will have to know yourself, know what you want, know the steps that will get you there, and get to work.

No truly successful person in the world has ever achieved success by sitting on the couch, playing with their phone, and never taking action.

It doesn’t matter where you start, or what your relationship goal is, but there is ultimately a formula for every success story in the world.

Having a goal, knowing the right action steps, and taking action.

That’s it!

The reality is that when you’re willing to leave your comfort zone and pursue meaningful relationship goals, you WILL experience a richer and more fulfilling life than you ever dreamed was possible.

Irrespective of how things might be right now.

So, how to start?

Here is simple little exercise:

  1. If you’re ready to get started, grab a pen and paper right now.
  2. Close the door so you won’t be interrupted for about 30 minutes.
  3. Write the name of someone who’s important to you at the top of the page.
  4. Now write a description of your ideal relationship with this person.
  5. Repeat this process for each of the important relationships in your life (optional).
  6. Review these descriptions often and begin to take steps to move those relationships in your desired direction.

When you do, you will start experiencing happiness you have most likely craved for quite some time.

If you have any questions or comments, please leave them in the comments section below so I can respond to them personally.

Step up and live and love fully my Friend!

Relationship Coach & Blogger

About the author

Gideon

Gideon is the founder of TheRelationshipGuy.com, a top-50 relationship blog (2021) and top-100 marriage blog (2021) focused on providing healthy relationship advice about love and life. He earned a Master's degree in theological studies before training as a professional counsellor and hypnotherapist (DipProfCouns., DipMSHT.) almost 10 years ago. He is currently pursuing further graduate Psychology studies at Massey University while working as a relationship and dating blogger the majority of the time. He has been married to his wife for over fifteen years and is the father of two children.

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