July 30, 2021 |Gideon

do you know What Men Secretly Want?

There is a deep-seated "Gap" in communication that very few women (or men) understand. To be truly irresistible as a woman to a man, you must understand how love and respect get entangled in a man's mind.

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There may be a time when inviting love back into your life isn’t the right thing to do as you just want to be on your own for a while.

I’ve been there, and it’s good for you for those seasons of life when you need it most.

Perhaps wanna just delve into your work, focus on yourself and enjoy life solo.

All good stuff.

But what if you want to invite love back into your life again?

Where do you start, how should you think about it, and how could you approach it?

I’ll be the first to admit that the modern dating scene seems crazy and brutal nowadays.

I mean, back in the day you only had to worry about being rejected by the one person you thought of approaching.

That was scary enough.

These days, you can get rejected by everyone without even approaching someone at all, just by putting yourself out there.

Swiping on people like we’re choosing toilet paper at the store, no wonder people end up feeling like crap and becoming disillusioned by the modern dating world.

What passes for choosing and dating someone nowadays are beyond sad and seriously worrying from a psychological perspective.

We’ve essentially managed to successfully turn ourselves into consumable products for the enjoyment and pleasure of others, often at the expense of our own happiness and fulfilment.

Why are we surprised then that many treat us as nothing more than commodities by either harshly reviewing us or replacing us without thinking twice?

That’s what we do with toasters or TV’s after all.

I believe that even though the dating landscape has changed, a relationship between two people still works the same way.

Nothing has changed about what we desire and need when it comes to chemistry, commitment, connection, love, emotional intimacy, communication, trust, and friendship,

Those core building blocks for any successful and happy relationship have been the same for aeons.

Don’t believe me?

Let’s look at the list of common reasons why people divorce:*

  • lack of commitment
  • infidelity
  • conflict and arguing
  • marrying too young
  • money problems
  • substance abuse
  • domestic violence

The same stuff that caused people to break up years ago still applies today.

So, if you want to invite love into your life, it’s important to be in the proper frame of mind before you do that.

Firstly, let go of old resentments and hurts.

You can only be accepting of love if you’ve done away with simmering resentments and aching hurts from past relationships.

Otherwise, they’ll keep bubbling up to the surface and “boil away” the positive and healthy feelings of your new relationship.

Secondly, open yourself up to new people.

To invite love back into your life, you’ve got to open the door.

For when you psychologically open up to new people, you are also open to love.

But it starts in your mind and heart.

Attend a book discussion group at the library

Let your neighbour introduce you to her cousin.

Try visiting new cafes, restaurants, and community parks.

Drop into neighbourhood gatherings and parties you wouldn’t normally attend.

Become open to opportunities without being desperate.

Thirdly, cultivate a positive body image.

When you feel good about how you look and feel physically, you behave more openly toward others, as simple as it sounds.

Because those feelings of self-assurance and confidence will encourage the flow of abundance and love into your life.

But also learn to truly love yourself, for loving yourself makes you a more lovable person in the eyes of others.

Although it’s admittedly a bit of a cliché, if you expect others to love you, you must first do so yourself.

So dig deep to get in touch with all the things you like about yourself and truly own it.

Identify the unique characteristics that bring joy and comfort to you and to others and step into them.

Doing that will help you know your worth because when you discover everything you love about yourself, you’ll become more aware of your value as a human being and you’ll have higher standards for yourself.

And that seems to be a vital ingredient to service in today’s dating world…knowing your own worth and having corresponding standards that reflect that.

Whether you cherish just one thing about yourself or a hundred, you ultimately begin to feel worthy. And when you truly feel and accept your own worth, the right kind of love will find you.

Finally, learn to cultivate a peaceful existence void of desperation and anxiety, because living a life of serenity and peace will draw the right people to you.

When your days are free of drama and emotional chaos, you demonstrate that you can handle whatever life sends your way while also repelling BS from your life.

Desperation leads to people lower their standards which is essentially also ignoring your own worth.

That causes them to invite whatever and whomever into their lives, often at a major cost.

You have the power to invite love back into your life but that means welcoming it when it shows up, not desperately opening the door for everything and everyone.

When you let go of old hurts, open up to new people, on the basis of knowing and claiming your own worth, you’ll be ready to invite the right kind of love in!

*Scott, S. B., Rhoades, G. K., Stanley, S. M., Allen, E. S., & Markman, H. J. (2013). Reasons for Divorce and Recollections of Premarital Intervention: Implications for Improving Relationship Education. Couple & family psychology2(2), 131–145. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0032025

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About the author


Gideon is the creator of TheRelationshipGuy.com, a popular relationship blog that ranks among the top 50 relationship blogs in 2024. The website helps couples to create happier, healthier, and more intimate relationships. Gideon is a trained professional counsellor and holds post-graduate degrees in Theology and Psychology. His articles have also been featured on respected platforms such as Marriage.com and The Good Men Project.

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