What Game Are You Playing?

by Gideon Hanekom
July 23, 2021

Reading Time: minutes remaining

The famous and uber-successful comedian and actor Kevin Hart once said that life has a game-like quality.

And as you become better at playing this game by either paying attention to the world more, being a better version of yourself today than yesterday or refusing to accept that you cannot do or pursue something that’s important to you, new levels of the game open up.

But with these new levels, the game gets harder, more interesting and fun, while requiring increasingly more to continue.

These new levels present new opportunities, challenges, relationships, skills required, the mindset needed, and becoming better at the game to open even more levels.

Now, SOME people play to a certain level and are fine with staying there.

No worries about that at all.

However, MANY (if not most) people want new levels in their lives … or relationships … while doing very little to earn the privilege to have these new levels present themselves.

Or they play the game in a way that keeps them stuck on the same level.

I want more money but don’t want to invest $10 (or at least spend less).

I want more energy but don’t want to invest in my body (or at minimum trade screen-time for sleep-time).

I want more happiness but have no time to work on my mindset (or at least stop entertaining negative thinking).

I want more love, intimacy, and growth in my marriage but don’t have time nor energy to invest in my relationship (or at least stop prioritising other things over my spouse).

In some cases, some people have been dealt a bad hand.

God, that’s so true…

On the other hand, that is not true for most of us.

Of course, things can be better or be easier or be more comfortable, but that’s actually not the real issue…

The real issue is that as people, we are not wired to do the things that are uncomfortable and inconvenient to get the things we want.

We are in truth more hardwired to create and maintain zones that are comfortable and familiar, or pick the paths of least resistance.

And therein lies the challenge for us all, even more so in environments where everything is stacked against us… in order to rise above it all and achieve better for ourselves, we must conquer ourselves first.

Mel Robbins talks about learning to parent ourselves indefinitely because we’ll never feel like doing the things we need to do to get the things we want.

The ancient Stoics have taught versions of this idea millennia ago.

Nothing about that has changed.

If you are not where you want to be, and that’s different for us all, the path always boils down to the simple truth of choosing to walk it even when we’re not feeling like it (which is always) and despite things being beyond our control.

To get where we want to be, there is always something we must do or stop doing to move us a tad closer to our hope (or at least a bit further away from our dismay).

Even when someone intervenes or shows you the way, you must choose to play the game differently to experience new levels.

So ask yourself, in your life and marriage, what game are you playing?

Are you willing to play differently?

Are you playing at all?

About the author 

Gideon Hanekom

Gideon Hanekom is the creator of TheRelationshipGuy.com, a renowned relationship blog that ranks among the top 50 relationship blogs in 2024. The website shares valuable insights on creating healthy relationships life. Gideon holds a Master's degree in theological studies and transitioned into professional counseling more than a decade ago. In addition, he since completed post-graduate studies in Psychology at Massey University. With over seventeen years of marriage to his wife and two children, Gideon brings both professional and personal experience to his relationship advice. His articles have been featured on respected platforms such as Marriage.com and The Good Men Project.

{"email":"Email address invalid","url":"Website address invalid","required":"Required field missing"}

more Related posts

Teaching Healthy Boundaries to Your Kids