Top Four Goals for Couples According to Psychology

by Gideon
November 19, 2022

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This post looks at the top four goals for couples according to psychology and what that might mean for you.

What do you think couple goals look like? Is wearing matching outfits or grand gestures displaying your devotion in public the ultimate goal?

Contrary to popular belief, the subtle everyday stuff matters more for a long-term couple. Things so mundane you take them for granted, yet they are the lifeblood of your relationship. What do real couple goals look like? Let’s find out!

Relationship Goals for Couples

Here are four goals for couples you want to aim to turn a good relationship into a long-term one. If you’re already in a long-term relationship, here’s your checklist. Did you hit all the benchmarks?

Small Kindnesses and Considerations

What do you think makes a relationship last? Something like writing your lover’s name in the sky or a hundred-rose bouquet? No. While these instagrammable grand gestures would make anyone take a double take, they aren’t the glue that holds couples together.

It’s the small everyday gestures that matter more. You may be surprised by the following fact. You’ve reached a coveted relationship benchmark if you ask yourself how something will make your lover feel before doing it.

Some couples have been together for years but don’t consider their significant other’s preferences at all.

Small things like picking up after yourself, so they don’t have to or buying them a treat when you get one yourself go a long way. At the end of the day, while you look back at the big surprise party or gift fondly, it’s the everyday things that keep you sticking around.

One of the least talked about goals for couples is to be kind and considerate without any effort.

Do they pick up your favourite flavoured snacks when they go grocery shopping?

Maybe even go to the next store to find it?

Do you make them a cup of coffee in the morning when you make one for yourself?

Will you take the extra five minutes to brew theirs how they like it?

If you find yourself and your significant other caring about the little things well past the honeymoon stages of your relationship, you guys are in an enviable position.

Most people start out caring and considerate but stop being that way after the first few months. Making it last is a good couple’s goal.

If you notice your significant other falling behind in caring for you or considering your preferences, don’t be afraid to talk about it. Sometimes people can honestly forget. If they get their act together after you’ve addressed the issue, you’ll know that was the case.

However, if they remain inconsiderate to you while only thinking of themselves, you may need to reevaluate the entire relationship.

You Both Have Hobbies

Some couples spend so much time together that it feels like they are one person. However, usually, they don’t take the time to cultivate a hobby or do something that makes them feel accomplished.

This situation makes it easy for someone to completely absorb themselves into their significant other, leaving no room for individual growth.

As hard as it may be for some of you, it would be best if you learned to be happy when alone. That way you can be happier when together. A great way to stay happy and spend quality time improving yourself is to cultivate a hobby.

You may have heard the timeless saying, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” If you spend time apart from your loved one to focus on something that gives you joy, they will be happier to spend the remaining time with you.

If all you had was time for your lover, it might not be spent in the best way.

Research says that cultivating a hobby reduces stress and makes you happier. A happier partner makes for a happier relationship. Ask yourself something.

Can you allocate your energy and time to something solely for yourself?

Does that become a problem in your relationship, or does your lover or spouse support it?

If you can’t spare an hour or two to learn a new skill or do something you love, you’re in a toxic chokehold, not a healthy relationship.

In a healthy relationship, you’d be overjoyed to see your partner excel in something that makes them happy as they would be for you.

You Can’t Get Your Hands off Each Other

While couples cling to each other during the first few months of their relationship, it starts lacking luster for some later. The first few months are called the honeymoon months for a reason. Everything is new territory and fun to explore.

You’ll find yourselves making out and cuddling all the time. The goal is to keep that up after the honeymoon period is over. Find any and every excuse to show your significant other some physical affection.

To get to the science-y bit, physical touch stimulates a hormone called oxytocin. That’s the chemical that makes you love things. The more you touch each other, the more frequently you release oxytocin into your systems.

Couples who touch each other more are less stressed, healthier, and happier.

Look for more ways to randomly touch your loved one. Hold hands, cuddle, and hug every chance you get. If you can’t keep your hands off each other, that’s a massive goal that shows your love is one to last.

You Focus On Good Communication

Do you feel like you can talk about anything with your partner? Does something simple like the temperature of the room or where to have dinner lead to a massive argument?

If you feel safe talking to your partner and they feel the same talking to you, you guys get the couple goal gold medal. While this feels like something that should be standard in all relationships, it’s the biggest struggle of many.

You will be surprised by the number of people walking around eggshells when talking to their partners. Some people don’t talk at all.

When you don’t talk, you leave room to drift apart from each other. Listening to each other intently, presenting logical arguments, not hitting below the belt, and not raising your voice are the signs of fantastic communication. If you both can keep your cool, then what could have been a heated argument would be a normal conversation.

It is in no way easy. It takes a lot of patience and practice to develop good communication with your partner. However, you reap the benefits of it for the rest of your relationship.

Perfecting your communication may be a tricky thing to do if it has been overlooked too long. However, nothing’s impossible. If you can create a safe space where both of you aren’t afraid of judgment or consequences, you can talk about anything.

Conclusion

Being content on your own, frequent physical affection, small kindnesses, and good communication make for a robust and long-lasting relationship.

Instead of trying to dress your significant other like yourself, look inwards at your relationship and help heal its foundational cracks.

Congratulations if you have already reached all four goals I went over.

If not, now you know what you can work on. Success isn’t far as long as you have a goal to focus on.

About the author 

Gideon

Gideon is the founder of TheRelationshipGuy.com, a top-50 relationship blog (2021) and top-100 marriage blog (2021) which focuses on providing healthy relationship advice about love and life. He earned a Master's degree in theological studies before training as a professional counsellor and hypnotherapist (DipProfCouns., DipMSHT.) almost 10 years ago. He completed a graduate diploma in Psychology and is currently pursuing postgraduate Psychology studies at Massey University. He has been married to his wife for over sixteen years and is the dad of two children. His articles have been published on Marriage.com and The Good Men Project.

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