September 8, 2021 |Aaron Smith

 

Why it Takes Courage to Ask for Help In A Relationship

Gideon Hanekom

Creator, TheRelationshipGuy.com

To ask for help as a couple can be quite difficult at times. It takes courage to reach a point where you know you need help because what you’ve tried so far isn’t working. This post looks at why it’s hard to ask for help, and why you should do it anyway.

Relationship counselling can be tremendously helpful between partners, but to ask for help, whether it’s from your partner or a counsellor, can also be challenging.

Many relationships need help, however.

According to relationship and marriage expert Dr John Gottman, for example, couples wait for an average of six years of being unhappy before getting help.

That doesn’t mean that your relationship is fundamentally weak or that you’re doomed to failure.

It simply means that you may need a few tools to help the two of you become the best couple you can be.

If you’re thinking about asking for help with your relationship, then be brave.

It takes courage and hard work, but you are capable of achieving a lasting relationship if you get the help you need.

It’s Always Hard to Ask for Help

It can be tough to ask for help with anything, especially when it comes to relationships and intimacy.

It takes bravery to reach out and admit that you’re struggling and need some assistance.

Ask for help

You may feel as if asking for help is a sign of weakness, but in truth, it is a sign of strength.

Overcoming this feeling and getting the help you need is the first step to a happier, more fulfilling life.

It Takes Courage to Learn How to Compromise

In relationships, it isn’t always easy for partners to learn how to compromise with each other.

That’s especially true if they’re focused on their own needs and wants instead of what’s best for them as a couple.

Compromise takes practice to perfect.

You may not be able to get the hang of it on your own, but that’s okay.

Speaking with a couples’ therapist or relationship counsellor can help couples learn how to compromise.

It takes courage to learn how to compromise, but once you do, your relationship will be stronger and better than ever.

You’re Used to Giving

If you’re used to giving, you may find it hard to ask for help with anything, particularly your relationship.

Once you find the courage to ask for help, you’ll learn how to both give and receive in a healthier way.

You have to take care of yourself before you’re equipped to take care of anyone else.

Of course, you can still be your giving self, but you’ll learn more about both your own limits and how to care for others in a way that is truly beneficial both for your partner and yourself.

Therapy can teach you how to advocate for your own needs in a loving way so that your relationship is healthy and meaningful for both partners.

Being Vulnerable Is Scary

Asking for help and reaching out requires vulnerability, which is frightening.

Fear can stop couples from talking to each other or asking for outside help.

Marriage therapist

However, taking that first step is an act of courage that offers the potential for incredible growth.

Everyone knows that being vulnerable is scary, but overcoming that fear is a powerful feeling.

You’re Afraid of What You Might Hear

Many people are afraid to ask for help from a professional relationship therapist because they’re afraid of what they might hear.

You may worry so much that you talk yourself out of even approaching the subject with your partner.

You may fear judgment from your therapist or that change will be painful.

Qualified therapists, however, are motivated to help you and your partner grow, not cast blame.

They’re there to help you look at deeper issues that are harming your relationship, identify their causes, and develop practical solutions to overcome them.

And while change can certainly be difficult, the benefits to your relationship far outweigh the costs.

Relationship counselling

The effort you put in now will help you develop a closer, more meaningful relationship that is well worth the challenges along the way.

You’re Afraid of What You Might Say

When considering going to a relationship therapist, you might be afraid to ask for relationship help because you worry about what you could say.

For example, voicing resentments against your partner or revealing your anger about something may seem terrifying, but you need to share those feelings.

Your partner likely does, as well.

A therapist can help create a safe space to be honest with each other constructively.

Marriage therapy

A Fear of Failure

Some people feel like asking for help means that they’ve failed in their relationship.

That’s why asking for any type of help can take courage.

It takes a brave person to ask for help, but once you’ve overcome the fear, therapy can help you.

Your relationship may be healthier, your life may become more meaningful, and you can learn so much about yourself and your partner.

Asking for help is not a sign of failure but an act of bravery.

It’s a way to overcome the challenges we face to avoid failure.

You Worry about Approaching Your Partner

Approaching your partner to say that you need help or that you’d like to see a counsellor can be a frightening prospect.

It requires courage, too, not to mention trust. The fear that your partner does not feel the same can be scary, but go ahead and speak your mind.

It can only improve your relationship when you’re totally honest with your feelings.

Ask for help

Discuss what you’re feeling and what you hope to gain by seeing a professional therapist.

More importantly, explain it to your partner before making the appointment.

Take some time to share your goals if you can.

The two of you may decide to wait until you talk to the counsellor.

Knowing what to expect beforehand can make your therapy session much more rewarding.

You’ve Never Talked to Anyone about Relationship Issues

Some people aren’t used to talking about their relationship at all, and they may believe that everything in a relationship should be kept private.

People who feel this way may find it’s an especially brave step to reach out.

Before going to see a professional, think about what you want out of it.

If you’re experiencing problems communicating, compromising, or reconciling differing opinions, let your partner know what you’re hoping to gain from therapy.

Once you’ve made that first step to speak with a professional therapist, things will only get better.

Asking for help is courageous.

Acknowledging that you need help is brave.

Do any of these points speak to you?

If so, it’s not too late to take a big step in your relationship and request help.

You may want to have a meaningful talk with your partner, or you may need to retain the assistance of a professional.

No matter what, reaching out can improve your relationship more than you ever imagined.

About the author

Aaron Smith

Aaron Smith is an LA-based content strategist and consultant in support of STEM firms, mental health and medical practices. He covers industry developments and helps companies connect with clients. In his free time, Aaron enjoys swimming, swing dancing, and sci-fi novels.

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