How do you know if a guy is serious about you?
To answer that question in this post, we’re looking at seven real-world signs that might suggest he is interested in you as more than just friends.
These signs are of course not exhaustive, but they do give you a couple of handy clues to look out for in a guys behaviour around you.
Now, just to be clear and to throw an extra spanner in the works, as a husband and relationship Blogger, I would argue that these signs will always suggest a guy is serious about you, even long after the wedding.
In the past, when I worked with many couples as a relationship coach, I frequently observed that the wives were simply craving for the things we are discussing below.
When a guy is serious about you as a woman, their behaviour stays consistently the same although it might change or evolve over time as the relationship evolves.
But the fundamental behaviours indicating a man is serious about you don’t change.
Or at least, they are not supposed to change.
If they do, or already have in the case of marriage, as a couple it might be a good idea to start having conversations on why that might be.
Of course, there are also very specific things women must do to keep the man’s attention and fuel his desire for her, but that’s a topic for another time.
Or, you can simply go and check out this post here.
Sign 1: He Treats You like a Lady
Each time you see him your heart skips a beat.
When his text messages come through, you can’t read them fast enough.
When he calls you’ll still be holding the phone even after he hangs up.
It’s clear that you like the guy, but how do you know if or when a guy is serious about you?
Does he feel the same way about you that you feel about him?
Now, unless he just comes out and tells you that he likes you (which will happen soon enough if he’s head over heels), you will have to determine if he’s into you in other ways.
One such way is looking at how he’s treating you.
Does he want to provide for you and is he protective?
Does he treat you like a lady, meaning like you’re super special and important?
In my opinion, many young men today don’t grow up learning how to treat women like ladies and that’s a problem.
Now, just to be clear, being treated like a lady does NOT mean women are weaker, less capable, nor in need of special treatment.
No, being treated like a lady means a guy sees your worth, values you as a potential partner, and wants to treat you the best way he can and how you deserve to be treated as someone special in his life.
So, the important point here for you to take from this, is that if your guy has taken some time to learn how to treat you well, taken the time to understand how you should be treated, and actually does that, then that is a major sign that this guy is serious about you.
A guy will only make an effort to treat a woman “like a lady” when he feels you are pretty special.
Therefore, when he’s around you and goes out of his way to make you feel special, that is usually an indication that he is really into you.
Unfortunately, there are women nowadays who see men opening doors for them or wanting to pay for dinner as symbolic of male chauvinism or dominance, but those women completely misunderstand the psychology of men.
Many guys going out of their way to make you feel special as a woman, albeit clumsily, don’t do that to control or manipulate you, but rather to indicate that they are serious about having you in their lives.
He does these things because he wants to treat you like a lady because you are special to him.
Now, and this is important, while he may treat you like a lady when he believes you are one special person, it’s also necessary for you to reciprocate.
Because, as we’ve discussed numerous times on this website before, men crave and need the respect of the people they love in order to show them love.
That is such an important concept to grasp if you want to be in a successful relationship with a man.
You’ll increase his feelings for you when you respect him and what he does in life and in his relationship with you.
If a guy is serious about you, he’ll often change his plans to be with you.
He’ll value your opinion and take your advice.
He’ll love the way you look when you’re wearing makeup and your best-looking dress or in your pyjamas.
This is a sign that he respects you and values you for who you are and not what you’re wearing or how you look.
As long as he can be around you.
So, if you are looking for a sign that suggests his feelings for you are deepening and a guy is becoming serious about you, you don’t have to wait for him to say something . . . just pay attention to his actions!
Because, good or bad, his actions never lie.
Sign 2: He Does Things to Please You
As a husband, a man, and a relationship blogger, I can tell you unequivocally that another sign that a guy is serious about you, is he starts doing things to please you.
But, before you must understand what that means, let’s unpack it a bit.
Here’s another massively important concept for you to understand if you want to create a successful relationship with a man:
A guy loves and enjoys seeing the woman of his dreams happy.
Not only happy with her life in general but also happy with anything and everything that he can do for her.
The expression, “Ain’t no one happy if momma ain’t happy” is not true because the family’s happiness depends on the woman, but rather because the men in their lives actually WANT them to be happy.
When his woman is unhappy, so is he.
In fact, that is why criticising a man is one of the most hurtful and destructive things you can do to your relationship (and his emotional well-being).
Because, when a woman complains about or criticises things in her life, a man takes that on board and sees himself as the reason for his unhappiness and dissatisfaction with things.
Consequently, her unhappiness becomes the source of his unhappiness, and as a result, he will start adopting behaviours to try and fix things – which of course drives most women nuts and often “break” things even more.
But in essence, he’s just trying to restore his woman’s happiness.
He wants you to enjoy life, enjoy the movie he picked, enjoy the restaurant he chose, the gift, the flowers or the chocolate he chose.
Because whether you like those things or not is beside the point.
It’s about you approving of HIM, and he lives for that.
It doesn’t matter where you are, the lounge, the movies or the bedroom, he wants you to be happy and satisfied.
And if you’re not, he feels like he’s failing you.
Very simply – if he doesn’t seem to care if you’re happy in the relationship or not, then he probably isn’t that invested.
And if you’re already married, there is even a question to be made about his love for you.
Men typically date two types of women – you are either the woman he brings home to his mom and plans a future with, OR you are the woman he wines and dines (or beds) but goes no further with.
That’s the brutal truth.
That’s not to say that if you sleep with him he won’t invest in your life, but it is to say that there are women that he has no intention of spending much quality time with.
He wants to have sex with her and maybe a few times again after, but that’s pretty much the extent of it.
A guy who is serious about you will bring flowers for no reason at all, he’ll text for no other reason but to chat with you, or he’ll show up unexpectantly just because he wants to see you.
Now, before you tell me that is pretty old school, let me assure you that we’ve seen this happen very recently where we live.
My wife and I took our cats to get their shots, and a guy showed up with a coffee and muffin to give to one of the reception ladies.
She was clearly pleasantly surprised and the interaction took about all of one minute (she was at the front desk answering incoming calls).
But, both my wife and I could see she was pretty happy about him dropping in like that.
So, yes, it still happens, and yes, a guy who is serious about you will still do that “old school” stuff.
Why? Because he wants to be the reason for putting a smile on your face.
Now some women may think it’s corny, but is it really?
How is a guy wanting to see you happy and smiling corny?
He loves seeing you happy and if flowers make you happy then show it when he shows up with them.
No need to be embarrassed.
I promise you, many of the women around you will be looking on with envy.
So, to drive this point home a bit further …
A guy is serious about you when he texts you in the middle of the day just to tell you how he’s thinking about you or to get your opinion about something at work or at his home.
He’s interested in what you have to say and he’s thinking about you all day.
Guys who are serious about someone will also drop by for a visit for no other reason than to surprise you with a coffee, like a guy I mentioned before.
A guy who is serious about you will change his plans to be able to spend time with you.
He may consistently do a Brazilian JiuJitsu open mat every Saturday morning, but suddenly he’s missing 2 or 3 Saturdays a month to spend the time with you.
That’s a good sign that guy is serious about you.
Also, listen to his choice of words when he’s talking to you or to your friends.
If he starts using words like “we” or “us” instead of “I,” he’s no longer thinking of just himself any longer.
He’s started to think in terms of the two of you as a team.
He’s no longer single in his mind, and truthfully, is relationship status in his mind is most important.
If a guy truly believes he’s attached to you, then he is attached – and his actions will reflect that.
A guy serious about you is more interested in your happiness than in his own happiness or circumstances.
Now, it’s important to also be realistic here.
A guy who will put your happiness before his own is part of the natural stages of relationship progression.
Him putting your happiness and circumstances above his own usually doesn’t last past the “in love” or infatuation stage (between first 6 months and a year).
But, and this is a big but, it is a hugely important factor in those early stages of being in love.
If it lacks in the beginning, there is no way you can expect it later on.
That is an illusion many women, unfortunately, hold onto.
Even though there are exceptions, it is more likely that he won’t change no matter how much you hope he would.
Does he want you to be happy at his expense?
Does he do things to bring a smile to your face?
Then chances are he’s hooked and serious about you.
But if not, especially early on, then he’s not.
Sign 3: Introduces You to Friends and Family
So, let me share with you something personal.
When I first saw my (now) wife the first time, I didn’t know who she was, but I knew instantly that I just had to find out who she was and that our lives would somehow become connected.
Leaving out a lot of details and a very weird and unlikely sequence of events, we ended up meeting each other and connecting.
I asked her to marry me three months later, which we ended up doing after eight months of meeting and knowing each other.
And yes, we are still very much happily married despite having gone through various challenges together.
But here is the important point if you want to know if the guy is serious about you – the moment he becomes “attached” to you, he will start introducing you to his most important friends and family.
When a guy starts introducing you to his most important friends and family, that is a very good sign that he is more serious about you than any other woman in this life.
Men are often described as linear thinkers who can compartmentalize their lives, segmenting work, girlfriends, recreation and family into different areas of their life.
So guys who are dating and having fun, but have no intention of making this a long-term thing, will keep women they’re dating, separate from all other aspects of their life.
When a guy isn’t interested or serious about someone, he won’t introduce her to his business acquaintances, friends, family or even his next-door neighbours.
On the other hand, however, a guy who is serious about you will be ecstatic to show you off to his friends, family, neighbours and business people.
In fact, if he meets someone in the grocery store while you’re in the other aisle, he’ll be itching to introduce you and tell them all about who you are and what you do.
Yes, some guys aren’t that verbal, but even the ones who aren’t will talk more than they usually do when they’re talking about the woman they are in love with.
And yes, I’ve done the same thing.
So have my other (now) married friends.
Again, if you want to know if the guy is serious about you, start watching his behaviour and keep your eyes wide open.
Oftentimes, women in love will see their relationships through rose-coloured glasses and only see what they want to see.
In most cases, if he hasn’t introduced you to his friends or family it is because he doesn’t want to, not because of things like:
- It’s not a good time.
- They are travelling – all the time.
- Your schedules aren’t compatible.
- They live 500 miles away (think video chat!)
It is most likely because he doesn’t intend to have you in his life for too much longer, and explaining to friends and family why you aren’t there is more trouble than it’s worth.
It is, therefore, an important clue that a guy is serious about you when he suggests that you do things with his friends, when he takes you home to meet his family and when he takes you to a business event (when his business friends are really friends).
Friends and family are usually a sure sign that he’s more serious about keeping you in his life permanently.
It’s not THE sign, but without this important step in your relationship, you won’t reach any others.
Signs 4: He Professes His Feelings
This is probably the easiest way to tell if a guy you’re serious about you – he professes how he feels about you.
However, it may not be in a way that you imagine.
In other words, men say they love you in a hundred different ways that don’t always include, “I love you!”
I know, it’s a pain right?!
When a guy is serious about you (perhaps even in love with you), he’ll make sure that everyone around knows how he feels, even if you can’t figure it out.
He’ll show you off to other people and be sure that you meet his friends and family.
Men are typically very protective of their private lives.
To them, there is no real reason to introduce you to his family when he has no intention of keeping you in his life for very long.
Men who are only interested in you for a few beneficial hours of your time once in a while will keep you separate from the rest of his life.
It might be hard to hear, but it’s also true.
A guy who is truly interested in you, and definitely when he’s in love with you, will talk about you with pride and to everyone who cares to listen!
Watch him when he’s relating a story or telling his friends and family about what you did recently.
Guys who are in love will be very enthusiastic about your achievements, dreams and your place in his life.
Whether it’s what you accomplished at work, at the gym or even in the kitchen, he’ll be proud of what you’ve done and how you got there.
He’ll be proud of your intellectual abilities, your athletic endeavours and your creations.
And he’ll definitely share it all over Social Media without shame nor embarrassment.
And yes, I’ve seen that happen as well very recently.
So corny as it may seem, it still happens.
Men are simple creatures.
They have simple needs and one of those is that everyone else around him knows that you “belong” to him.
Part of that might be to the fact that guys intuitively know that unless the men around you also know that you belong to him, you are fair game.
And that’s not gonna work for him, I assure you!
If a guy is serious about you then he definitely doesn’t want you to be fair game, ever.
He’ll introduce you as his girlfriend, his lady, or his better half, and be very clear about it.
However, if he still introduces you as just his friend or just by your first name after quite some time, then that’s probably not a good sign of you’re standing in his life and things to come.
You can even listen to married men and how they introduce their wives to others – it usually goes something like “Hi, this is my wife, Susan…”
He is very clear about it, even long after he is married.
So, watch his attitude about you at parties or in large gatherings.
If he stands by your side and doesn’t leave you (except to go grab a drink for the two of you), then he is making a very clear statement to everyone (read: other men) that you “belong” to him.
If he leaves you to fend for yourself and go hang with his buddies straight away, then I would personally wonder about that, if I’m honest.
As I’ve said numerous times now, one of the best ways to figure out if a guy is serious about you is to watch his actions and be honest with yourself about what you’re seeing.
Women often want to believe the best about the man they are with, but that’s not always a wise thing.
You have to be honest about his behaviour and make sure you don’t make excuses for him (most of all in your own mind).
He didn’t leave you at the party because his oldest friend showed up – he left you there because something else was more important to him at that moment.
He didn’t introduce you by your first name because he’s embarrassed by calling you his girlfriend – he did it because you are not his girlfriend.
Pay attention, keep your eyes open and you’ll ‘see how he feels.
It professes a lot.
Sign 5: He Listens
Men are beings of linear thinking, action, hunters and usually live compartmentalized lives.
In other words, they tend to separate their love life, work-life, family life and home life.
It might seem that these would overlap, and for women they most certainly do, but, for men, they don’t.
Have you ever seen your guy staring out into space and seemingly lost in his own thoughts?
It looks like he’s thinking very deeply about something profound, but more often than not, the truth is he probably isn’t thinking about anything at all.
He’ll also tell you that he’s not thinking of anything but then, women will often think that something’s wrong and he doesn’t want to tell her.
So, one of the most frequent complaints you’ll hear from women (especially in marriage) is that her man doesn’t want to open up to her, or, he’s not good at sharing his feelings.
But, let me assure you, most of the time when he says he’s not thinking about anything, he probably isn’t.
However, a guy who is serious about you doesn’t retreat into that space where he isn’t thinking about anything when you are talking.
A guy who is truly serious about you, and definitely the man who loves you, will make every effort to give you his full attention when you’re speaking with him or sharing something.
That type of guy isn’t just thinking about how he can get you into bed but is paying attention to what you’re saying, how you’re feeling, how that impacts your life and how he might be able to help you in some way or another.
You can tell whether he is listening and interested in what you’re sharing by his expressions, body language, and especially when he’s spacing out a bit and retreating after too much talking.
A guy who is serious about you will stay with you in the zone longer and not space out that quickly.
Now, some guys obviously talk and communicate more than others, and therefore, the best way to measure a guy’s intentions is to look at his actions rather than just his words.
For some guys will tell you everything they think you want to hear. or only listen to you initially, but have no real interest in you once they get what they want.
A guy who is serious about you will listen carefully to what you say most of the time and even take the advice you give him because he respects your input.
He may never tell you that you are right, but you’ll catch him acting on your advice.
That’s usually a sign that he paid attention to what you were saying before and rates that input in his life, which is huge.
The fact that he takes your advice seriously is a clear sign that he respects your point of view.
Now, to know whether a guy is serious about you, it’s also important to understand that many (inexperienced) men are better about talking about themselves, rather than listening to what you have to say.
More than that, most men take great pride in what they’ve accomplished.
It’s how we compare and rate ourselves against other men.
So, with that in mind, if you have a guy who is paying you attention, listening and responding, then it’s highly likely that this guy is serious about you.
The guy who only talks about himself is more a sign that he still loves himself a tad more than anyone else, which is fine.
But, if you’re looking for a guy that is serious about you and wants to build a relationship with you, then you need to consider a man that listens to what you’re saying.
Sign 6: Protection
Getting a little more real now, you’ll know that a guy is serious about you and considers taking your relationship further, when he starts becoming protective of you.
Please do NOT confuse that with controlling you.
Guys are essentially hunters and protectors by nature.
It’s just the way we are hardwired.
It is our inborn job to protect our families and the people we love, and as a result, we’re constantly thinking about how to improve our means of protection.
Personally, I’m constantly thinking about possible scenarios of compromised safety and possible responses should any of those happen.
And we’ve been married for over 15 years!
So, if a guy shows you protection, then that’s a sign that you’ve levelled up on his list of important people and things.
How will he show you that he feels protective toward you?
Well, there’s no one particular way this level of protection manifests itself and can take on the various forms during your daily life activities or in things he does without being asked.
For instance, if you’re a bit short on cash for the month, your guy may offer to lend you some money to tide you over.
You won’t have to ask, you’ll only have to mention that you just can’t make all the bills this month.
When you are out for dinner and you’re driving home, then he’ll want to know that you got home safe and sound.
Personally, I’ve always walked my dates to their front doors in the past before leaving, and I’ll teach my son to do the same thing.
You might think that this is a bit corny or “old school”, but enjoy the fact that he wants to know that you are safe and sound.
Other examples include when you’re out in public he might walk on the outside of the sidewalk to create a shield between you and the rest of the world.
When you’re in a parking lot, he may stand between you and the cars speeding along through the lot.
When he’s walking next to you he might make sure your handbag hangs over the inside shoulder that’s between the two of you to make a snatch and grab more difficult.
The examples are endless.
The point is, it is his instinctual desire to protect “what is his.“
So if he starts being way more protective of you, that could suggest that he’s becoming more serious about you.
You’ll start to notice that when you’re out in public, for example, he’ll touch your shoulder or take your hand.
All of that is subtle body language that communicates to everyone who can see you that you are under his protection.
You might think that he just wants to touch you (that too, of course), but those small gestures go beyond just the act of touching and actually speaks to his in-born desire to protect you.
Guys usually don’t have any problems touching you in private, but when he starts doing that in public it’s a sign that he’s proud to announce that you’re together.
Moreover, most men are not nurturing by nature, so when his instinct to care for you kicks in, he’s probably falling in love with you.
When he starts displaying care and being protective of your wellbeing, he’s most likely getting serious about you.
You might roll your eyes at his “fix it” attitude, whether you’re sick or just having a bad time, but even though he can’t fix everything, it is still his way of expressing his desire to take care of you.
When a guy wants to make things better for you, especially provide and protect, then he believes that you are someone truly special in his life.
And that’s good for you if you want to be in his life!
Sign 7: He Talks About a Future With You
When it comes to knowing if a guy is serious about you, this is a big one.
Because men are planners.
They plan their futures, their jobs and their living.
Men also judge themselves by how well they can provide for their families and their future possibilities.
This function is foundational to who men are and how they do life.
As men, we are constantly reviewing our current situation, comparing ourselves to our peers and where we thought we should have been by now, or are looking at different ways to get ahead.
So, if he can see you in his future plans and start talks about it, that’s often a good sign that you’ve become a serious part of his life and is very important to him.
Listen to how he talks about his business plans, job, entrepreneurial efforts, vacations, weekends and anything else that may happen in the future.
If he discusses these future events with you in them, then that suggests he’s assuming you’ll be a part of that future.
Guys don’t tend to open up and share their thoughts with just about anyone, so when they do open up and start talking about their dreams and desires, it’s important to listen carefully.
If you are included, it most likely means that he wants you to know what they are part of his future because you are important to him.
Now, this factor is not just about his future, but also about yours.
A guy who is serious about you will also support your dreams and desires in life.
You might have big dreams of your own, but it doesn’t matter what they are, a guy serious about you will be behind you and support the decisions you make to achieve those dreams.
A guy who is serious about you will go the extra mile to help you achieve those dreams.
He’ll treat your targets as if they are his own.
But the reverse is also true.
When he shares his dreams with you, the woman who is serious about him will also support his dreams and treat his targets as if they are her own.
And he will notice that!
A serious couple will not stand in the way of the other achieving those dreams, instead, you’ll work together to ensure you can achieve things.
The guy who is serious about you will be there to support and encourage you through it all.
That same encouragement can be expected from the woman who loves a guy.