Love or Obsession: How to Distinguish?

July 20, 2020 |Michelle Austin

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When we’re looking for relationships, many of us want to find a committed partner. But there is a thin border between real and obsessive love. While love is a healthy feeling, obsession is not. The hard part is that the latter often resembles love.

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If You Fall in Love, Get Ready for Butterflies and Excitement

Love is something that is constantly on everyone’s lips.

Books always tell us stories about this notion, or you can read about finding love in the best dating sites review.

When you’re going out with someone, you either feel the chemistry, or you don’t.

If you don’t hit it off with someone, it’s usually because there’s no spark, or you have different takes on life.

And the other way round: if the relationships work out, you get butterflies and are excited to see the person again.

It’s anything but difficult to get wrapped up in the tornado of another relationship.

But it’s critical to remember there’s a distinction between a solid, developing affection and obsessive love.

How to tell the difference between love and obsession?

If your date showers you with warmth and blessings from the very beginning, it could be an indication of affection besieging.

Manipulative individuals assure that you’ve discovered “the one” just to start being cruel and distant once they’ve snared you.

The beginning of a decent relationship will be energizing, and feeling butterflies is a typical and fun response to this.

In any case, if months pass by and you overlook your companions, family, and hobbies for your lover, that is not an indication of a solid match.

When you first meet your date, your desires may be corrupted by romantic movies and books.

You most likely hope to be deeply inspired and told your new sweetheart “can’t survive without you.”

As a general rule, this may not be what you should focus on.

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What Is Obsessive Love?

When two people experience passionate feelings, they keep up their individual personalities and interests.

They are not triggered when their date chooses to invest energy in family or friends without them.

Instead, they are cheerful and glad for their achievements, even if these do not involve their partner.

With obsessive love, it is difficult to be without each other.

You feel a physical need for your lover to be near you.

A fanatical person will invest lots of energy attempting to satisfy his or her date to guarantee that he or she won’t cheat or leave.

They may do numerous calls or send tons of messages.

They may compose sonnets or tunes to the object of their fixation.

They try to go through each empty second with them, regularly making arrangements well ahead of time to guarantee that each second is filled with something.

They restrict the opportunity of spending time with family or friends and get angry and desirous when their partner does pick others over them.

Frequently, this person can turn out to be obnoxiously or truly damaging and express incredible regret a short time after.

Later on, they are likely to diminish their lover to a defenceless, subordinate person.

This is done with an inner desire to maintain power over a partner.

Usually, when things are really bad, a person can finally ask the important question: “Is it love or obsession?”

Obsessive Passion Isn’t the Right Basis for a Relationship

So, why is obsessive love so dangerous and destructive?

Well, it may seem harmless at the very beginning.

You can even find it cute that a person cares that much about you.

Finally, the individual who gets associated with an obsessive date realizes that these relationships are not healthy.

Yet, it happens when the connection becomes wild.

However, it doesn’t take excessively long.

When that has occurred, it gets more difficult to remove oneself from such a relationship, particularly without a lot of blame and danger.

In extraordinary instances of obsessive love, an abuser may expose his or her sweetheart to verbal or physical maltreatment, assault, stalking, or even homicide.

We are not trying to freak you out, but you have to be aware of all aftermath of such relationships.

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Here’s How You Can Tell the Difference

But how to tell love from obsession, especially when lots of people are confusing love with obsession?

You know the drill: you’ve met the right person who sweeps you off your feet, but something feels weird.

That is why it is essential to know the warning signs.

This way, you can apply them to see who wins in this obsession vs love battle.

These wake up calls include:

  1. Getting close too quickly. Like when your date proclaims his love on the first date.
  2. Idealizing the relationship on a fantastical level.
  3. Being paranoid about potential acts of unfaithfulness, particularly when you are not together. After some time, it may become ridiculous (for example, allegations of unfaithfulness with improbable individuals, like family members, church people, educators, and so on.)
  4. You or your date place numerous calls and send countless messages. And God forbid they go unanswered for even a couple of moments.
  5. Driving by your lover’s home or other places to get a brief look or catch him or her with another person to approve paranoid accusations.
  6. Inability to concentrate on anything like work or study since obsessive love takes up all your attention and energy.
  7. Inability to rest and eat. Like when you can’t keep anything down when your love is not with you.
  8. Feelings of oppressive gloom and low confidence welcomed on when the relationship starts to endure strains.

These warning signs can keep you out of obsessive and possibly abusive relationships.

It’s essential to know what you’re really feeling to be on the same wavelength with your girlfriend/boyfriend.

About the author

Michelle Austin

Michelle Austin is a guest blogger and copywriter with more than 3 years of experience in the psychology of family relationships category. Worked for a long time at the Media Group as editor. Now she is a relationship coach for couples from Mansfield, OH. Her main goal is to help couples stay together in a healthy and strong relationship. Take care of yourself and be patient.

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