September 2, 2017 |Gideon

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The world has lost someone great recently. Some of you know of her and some of you don’t. Louise Hay impacted millions of people’s lives around the world with her healing work and books. This post is a tribute to her as I share one of the big lessons I’ve learned about relationships from her.

louise hay
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In her book “You Can Heal Your Life,” Louise Hay says that,

Every major relationship we have is a reflection of the relationship we had with one of our parents.”

Louise Hay

ir?t=gideonhanekom 20&l=am2&o=1&a=0937611018 louise hayRelationships are essentially mirrors of ourselves.

She said that what we attract ALWAYS mirrors either a quality we have ourselves or beliefs we have about relationships.

Consequently, what this means is that the things you tend to NOT like about some people are either what YOU yourself do or not do, or what YOU believe.

This is a major idea with huge repercussions.

So many times we look at the people (or things) we have relationships with, and all we see are the things “they” need to change for things to improve …

A wife needs to take better care of herself.

A child needs to show people more respect.

A friend needs to be more reliable.

A boss needs to be more courteous.

A colleague needs to be more helpful.

The lady at the checkout needs to be friendlier.

Our leaders need to invest more in their people.

The list goes on and on.

But think about the point Louise Hay is making.

Every relationship we are in is simply a reflection of ourselves.

Well, how does that work, you might ask?

She taught that the only way to “change others” is by changing yourself first.

In terms of your marriage, how are YOU not taking care of yourself?

In terms of your child, you know that children learn only by imitating the adults around them. Their habits are in some way YOUR habits.

Clear it within you, and you’ll find that they change automatically.

Louise Hay

In what way do YOU need to be a more reliable friend?

How can YOU show more consideration care at work showing your boss you truly care?

As a colleague, how can YOU be more helpful?

When you go shopping, how can YOU be friendlier with the lady at the checkout? She is simply mirroring you.

How can YOU invest more in your leaders and your community?

The list definitely goes on and on.

The world most often mirrors who we are.

If you want to know what you’re reflecting on, simply look to the world around you.

Louise Hay

It will tell you all you need to know.

Truly happy people see happiness everywhere and discover the world’s truly a joyous place.

Truly depressed people discover the world is a depressing place and find even more things to be depressed about.

And what did Louise Hay say about “attracting love?”

She said that,

Love comes when we least expect it when we are not looking for it.

Louise Hay

She encouraged people to not settle for anyone, just to have someone, but to set your standards.

Ask yourself,

What kind of love do you want to attract?

Louise Hay

Then begin building those qualities in yourself first.

As I reflected on these ideas again this morning, I realised just how much growth is still left to happen within myself.

We are never complete.

We can always grow some more.

It’s an ongoing journey.

I’d like to end this short tribute to Louise Hay by quoting one of the “affirmations” in her book “You Can Heal Your Life.”

louise hay

“In the infinity of life where I am, all is perfect, whole, and complete.
I live in harmony and balance with everyone I know.

Deep in the centre of my being, there is an infinite well of love.
I now allow this love to float to the surface.

It fills my heart, my body, my mind, my consciousness, my very being, and radiates out from me in all directions and returns to me multiplied.

The more love I use and give, the more I have to give.
The supplier is endless.
The use of love makes me feel good; it is an expression of my inner joy.

I love myself; therefore, I take loving care of my body.

I lovingly feed it nourishing foods and beverages, I lovingly groom it and dress it, and my body lovingly responds to me with vibrant health and energy.

I love myself; therefore, I provide for myself a comfortable home, one that fills all my needs and is a pleasure to be in.

I fill the rooms with the vibration of love so that all who enter, myself included, will feel this love and be nourished by it.

I love myself; therefore, I work at a job I truly enjoy doing, one that uses my creative talents and abilities, working with and for people I love and who love me, and earning a good income.

I love myself; therefore, I behave and think in a loving way to all people for I know that which I give out returns to me multiplied.

I only attract loving people in my world, for they are a mirror of what I am.

I love myself; therefore, I forgive and totally release the past and all past experiences, and I am free.

I love myself; therefore, I live totally on the now, experiencing each moment as good and knowing that my future is bright and joyous and secure, for I am a beloved child of the Universe, and the Universe lovingly takes care of me now and forevermore.

All is well in my world.”

May light and peace fill your life and relationships.

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About the author


Gideon is the creator of, a popular relationship blog that ranks among the top 50 relationship blogs in 2024. The website helps couples to create happier, healthier, and more intimate relationships. Gideon is a trained professional counsellor and holds post-graduate degrees in Theology and Psychology. His articles have also been featured on respected platforms such as and The Good Men Project.

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