You Came Here For a Reason
Maybe something in your relationship doesn’t feel right, and you can’t quite put your finger on it.
Maybe the conversations keep going in circles.
Maybe the distance between you has quietly become the new normal.
Maybe you love each other, but can’t figure out why it feels so hard.
Whatever brought you here, one thing is probably true: you’re not looking for platitudes.
You want something real.
That’s exactly what this site is built for.
Who Is The Relationship Guy?
My name is Gideon Hanekom.
I’ve spent over a decade writing about, thinking about, and helping people navigate the most important relationship in their lives, the one they go home to.
I hold postgraduate qualifications in both theology and psychology, which sounds like an unusual combination until you realise that both disciplines ultimately ask the same question: what does it mean to be human, and how do we help people flourish?
But the truth is, the most important things I know about relationships didn’t come from a lecture hall.
They came from living.
My wife and I have been together for over twenty years.
In that time, we’ve navigated the seasons of incredible closeness and real distance.
We’ve grieved a miscarriage that broke us open in ways we’re still integrating.
We’ve raised a child whose ADHD and learning challenges taught us more about patience and unconditional love than any textbook ever could.
I had a heart attack in my early forties that forced a hard reckoning with what actually matters.
And most recently, we uprooted our lives after fifteen years in New Zealand, leaving behind everything familiar, and moved back to South Africa to start again.
I write from inside the experience, not above it.
That’s why I don’t believe in generic advice.
Every couple’s story is different.
But the patterns, the drift, the distance, the slow erosion of connection, those are surprisingly universal. And so is the way back.
What I’ve learned, through research, through conversations, and through my own life, is that most relationship problems aren’t really about the argument you keep having.
They’re about what’s underneath it.
Unmet needs.
Communication patterns.
The slow drift that happens when two people stop feeling truly seen by each other.
Understanding that is where things start to shift.
What You’ll Find Here
The Relationship Guy has been running in various forms since 2012, and over the years, it’s evolved into something I’m genuinely proud of.
It’s a place where real, research-backed relationship insight meets practical, everyday advice that people can actually use.
This isn’t therapy.
It’s not a substitute for professional help when you truly need it.
What it is is a space where you can get clear about what’s happening in your relationship, what’s driving the tension or distance, and what your most important next step might be.
Everything here, the articles, the tools, the assessments, is built around that single goal.
You’ll find:
- Practical, no-nonsense articles on dating, marriage, intimacy, and personal growth
- Science-backed insights explained in plain language — no therapy-speak
- Quizzes and tools that give you real, personalised clarity about your relationship
- Resources and recommendations that have been carefully chosen, not just listed
Recognised. Trusted. Ongoing.
Since 2019, The Relationship Guy has been consistently recognised as one of the Top 20 Relationship and Marriage Blogs worldwide by Feedspot — a ranking based on readership, quality, and consistency.
Our work has also been featured on Marriage.com and The Good Men Project, two of the most respected platforms in the relationship space.
But more than rankings, what matters most is the thousands of followers who come here looking for something that actually helps.
That’s what drives everything we publish.
Where to Start
If you’re new here and not sure where to begin, the best place to start is the free Relationship Check-In.
It takes about five minutes.
You’ll walk away with a clear, personalised picture of where your relationship is right now.
What’s working, what’s creating friction, and the one thing that matters most for your connection at this moment in time.
No generic advice. No fluff. Just honest, practical insight you can act on today.
“Before you can fix it, you need to understand it.”