by Gideon

April 1, 2019

Rebuilding a relationship isn’t always easy. In fact, more often than not, it’s actually quite hard. It always amazes me how many couples think that turning things around in their marriage will only require an apology or some flowers before it’s back to business as usual. But that’s not how things work. Repairing a relationship takes more than that. It must include several factors – ALL of which means you’ll most likely have to humble yourself, learn to pay much closer attention to your partner than to yourself, and most of all learn how to show respect in ways you’ve most likely not done in quite some time. THAT is the price of admission if you’re serious about turning things around.

Whether we like it or not, relationships are not always easy.

There are definitely things we can do to make things easier, but it’s not always guaranteed.

And it doesn’t matter which type of relationship we are talking about – whether it’s the relationship between yourself and your mother, father, sibling – or the one between yourself and your partner.

Because we are in some sort of relationship with another human being, there is always the chance for things to get complicated.

It just how it is.

Relationships can be filled with anger, irritation, frustration and manipulation, just as much as they can be filled with joy, happiness, intimacy, and love.

But as people, we can often time sabotage our own relationships and reduce our chances for experiencing the latter because we’re often not cognizant of what is actually happening in our relationships.

Until one person is ready to take their things and leave that is.

This is even more true for love relationships in particular.

Some partners often times only see and hear what affects them and not what is affecting their partners.

Sometimes even after many years, one partner is completely ignorant of how they’ve been affecting their partner for all that time.

This is not an opinion, I know this for a fact.

And showing respect is one of those things that sometimes goes out of the window first when couples start experiencing challenges in their relationship.

But to show respect, and keep showing respect, is one of those vital things that both men and women need to continue showing in order to show love to their partners.

There is no love without respect in my opinion.

There might be an arrangement, but it’s not a love relationship.

Now, we know that men need respect more than women do because the masculine energy is typically driven by the need to feel significant and appreciated.

This is true inside and outside of marriage.

Hence why competing and doing dumb stuff come so easily for us.

We need validation from others.

But women also need to know that their partner respects them, especially as equals.

And this need for respect is closely connected to a woman’s need to feel lovable and worthy.

Which is why they will always keep testing their men to see whether the connection between them is still secure.

So, showing respect in order to feel respected is a vital part of any love relationship.

For both men and women.

Now, one of the interesting things about respect is that most people will allow you to say whatever you want to them as long as you do it with genuine respect for them.

In fact, respect is so important that some experts believe it is the basis for any healthy relationship and must be practised if you want to repair your relationship or grow a healthy future with your partner.

I tend to agree with that.

I can’t tell you how many couples I’ve worked with where a lack of “showing respect” and feeling “disrespected” was one of THE major obstacles in their relationship.

Because once respect for your loved one goes out the window, and it becomes evident in the way you’re treating them, what do you really have left?

Now, with all that being said, even though showing respect is a powerful concept, we also need to understand the amount of power showing disrespect has in a love relationship.

Disrespect can irreparably damage a relationship.

I need you to read that sentence again.

In fact, let me highlight it for you …

Disrespect can irreparably damage a relationship.

Therefore, even though showing respect is desired, showing disrespect is more powerful and damaging.

So, while it’s important that you show respect to your partner if you can’t manage to do that at times (I’m not sure when that would be though), it’s even more important that you NEVER disrespect them.

Let me repeat that one too,

NEVER EVER disrespect your loved one.

Which brings us to the next important question – how can you show respect to your partner?

Well, there are many different ways you can show respect with none being more right than another.

It’s not about what you do to show respect, but rather THAT you show respect.

However, here are some examples of how to show respect:

You can show respect to your partner by being grateful for the things they do and saying so.

And whether you say thank you, send an email, text or snap chat, you should show your partner that you recognise the efforts they made.

The more specific the better.

You can also show respect by treating your partner as an equal, which you can do in the smallest of ways.

For example, you show respect when you truly value your partner’s opinion (even when it’s different from yours) and you allow them to speak during a conversation or disagreement.

When you listen to what is said and respond appropriately you show respect.

But very things are as disrespectful as when they’re trying to talk to you but you’re either reading a text, scrolling through Facebook or you blatantly interrupt and speak over them.

One can tell a lot about the levels of happiness and intimacy of a couple when observing how they speak to each other, especially when they disagree on something.

It doesn’t matter what you believe about your relationship or you tell me – the truth about where things are it is evident in how you actually speak to and interact with your partner.

Respect is also shown by the sincerity of your words, thoughts and actions.

So, “thanking” your partner with a voice dripping in sarcasm is extremely disrespectful and hurtful.

Another way to show respect to your partner is simply by living up to your promises and doing what you said you’ll do.

And doing that also shows that YOU are a person to be respected in that you’re trustworthy.

Listen, there are hundreds of ways to show respect to your partner, but again, it’s not about what you do as much as it’s about THAT you show respect.

At the end of the day, the only true test of your respect is your partner.

Do they feel respected?

If not, then your opinion probably doesn’t matter at this point and your relationship will most likely pay the price in the end.

I’m not trying to make you feel bad here but I’m also not going to tell you that your disrespectful doesn’t matter, because it does – hugely!

So, if you are looking for ways to rebuild your relationship and repair the hurts of the past, start by considering how you may have been (still are) disrespectful and begin changing that.

Today.

Have you seen this yet?

If you want to learn how to create a happy, healthy, and more intimate marriage (again), you need to read this very important letter about my latest relationship book I released recently.

Click to Learn More

About the author 

Gideon

Gideon is the Owner of The Relationship Guy, a top-100 marriage advice blog that helps married couples create happier relationships. He is a trained professional counsellor (DipProfCouns., DipMSHT.), has been happily married for over fifteen years and is a dad of two.​ He also holds Bachelor and Master degrees in the field of Theology and is currently studying Psychology at Massey University (New Zealand).

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