by Gideon

August 16, 2016

 Have you ever wondered what it would take to get what you want?

Maybe you looked at other people and thought: “I wish I had that,” or “It would be great if I could be like that.”

Well, I’m telling you right out of the gate that getting what you want is quite simple.

I’ve been studying success literature, high-performance psychology, weight loss, and personal development for a number of years now; and they all say very similar things.

The principles for getting what you want are not that complicated.

But, even though most of the strategies for getting what you want are simple, I have to add that it’s not always easy.

Simple and easy are not the same things.

So in this post, I want to share a key principle you absolutely must have to get what you want. Many people are so obsessed strategy (the how) that they overlook this crucial element.

I would encourage you to write the following down: If you’re looking to lead a happier life and get what you want, believing in yourself is an absolute necessity.

To put it differently, you must become your own number one fan.

To get what you want, you have to learn how to believe in yourself more.

number one fan

Look, you may have gone through some rough times in your life making it difficult to be the happy person you want to be.

Circumstances might have even restricted you in achieving what you want.

Maybe, you even suffer from a lack of self-confidence because of past conflicts and pains.

But, no matter what you’ve been through, you can choose to overcome these obstacles.

In fact, you must choose to overcome any obstacle (past or present) in your life, if you want to get what you want and be happier.

Now, before I share with you 4 simple ideas of how you can overcome any obstacle and develop yourself, let me warn you first.

Oftentimes, we have the knowledge to make the changes and improvements we know we have to make.

Yet, more often than not we still procrastinate.

We don’t make the changes required to get what we want.

Why is that?

Well, psychologists call this the lack of Activation Energy.

What this means is, motivating ourselves to challenge our comfort zone, is hard.

In fact, we rarely feel like doing anything to improve our lives.

We might have moments, but that’s about it.

In order for us to get what we want and be happier, we have to force ourselves in an attempt to activate the energy required for change.

force yourself

So again, these next principles are perhaps simple but don’t underestimate how hard it could potentially be to follow through on them.

With all that being said, it’s time to be your own Number one fan and there’s no better time to start than right now!

1. Gain more confidence in yourself by facing your fears.

Chances are fear of failure may have caused you to ignore your dreams, desires or goals at some point in your life, business or career.

However, don’t let fear stop you from getting what you want and achieving your goals.

I love the story of Colonel Sanders (KFC) who used his last social security cheque to try and sell his chicken recipe to various restaurants.

The story goes he failed 1009 times before having a breakthrough.

That’s a lot of attempts and even more failures to take on the chin.

But he kept going.

Just because you don’t reach your goals or dreams the first time, don’t give up.

Keep trying until you succeed.

Fear of being alone may stop you from moving to a new city, or even country (like in my case), where you can pursue your dreams.

Whatever you thinking right now, realise that you will make new friends and that your current friends will always be part of your life.

I won’t tell you that things will stay the same because they won’t, but that doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing.

You meet new people, you build new contacts, and you expand your life.

Changing location is sometimes what you need to force you out of a rut.

And I know it can be as scary as hell, but again, that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

Once you begin facing your fears, you’ll discover that what you feared may not be such a big deal after all.

But, you’ll never know until you start.

2. Self-talk can also determine whether you believe in yourself or not.

Do you often say negative things like, “I’m an idiot,” or “That was a dumb thing to do,” or “I’m too fat?”

Maybe you are not using these exact words, but maybe a version of it.

Regardless, you need to understand an important thing: How you perceive yourself comes out in what you say.

In addition, what you say to yourself can also change how you see yourself.

Start speaking positively to yourself, about yourself.

Let me give you a couple of examples.

Look in the mirror every morning or evening and say to the person staring back at you:

“I am an attractive person.”

“I am a good parent.”

“I am a hard worker.”

“I love myself.”

“I like how I look in these clothes.”

“I like how I look without clothes.”

“I am brilliant.”


Now I know this might sound corny, but there is some real science behind using positive self-talk.

The way we communicate internally and externally has a real impact on our self-image, self-esteem, and behaviour.

It might be a good idea to start paying attention to what you say to yourself about yourself.

Reading this you might think to yourself at this point, “what if I don’t believe what I’m saying?”

Even if you don’t believe it, say it anyway!

You’ll soon realise these things really are true.

In addition, you can also post positive quotes or scriptures where you would see them several times a day influence your thoughts and remind you of what you need to focus on.

3. Insecurity can be a source of disbelief.

Learning to be more secure in certain areas of your life will help you believe in yourself more, plus others will begin to believe in you as well.

I have a saying when training salespeople and self-confidence: “If you’re not sold on yourself, no one else will be either.”

If you’re feeling insecure about something in your life, instead of avoiding it, take it head-on.

Figure out why you feel the way you do.

Then challenge those reasons.

A lot of our mental “programming” is a result of conditioning from a young age.

But in order to get what you want and be happier, you have to constantly review your mental programming.

Many people I know are living their lives in the present with programming stuck in the past.

Here’s an example:

Say you had to “fight” for the love of your father.

Maybe you figured out that by always saying “yes” to all his rules and demands, you got his attention and love.

Now fast forward 20 years, and imagine you’re married.

But, you’ve never upgraded your “mental-software” around love.

So, consequently, you’re still saying “yes” to all the demands and rules of your partner as an attempt to keep their attention and love.

In addition, however, you also expect them to always adhere to your rules and demands.

Now, maybe this is fine if you have a partner who has very similar mental programming, but what if they don’t?

In that case, you have a perfect recipe for disaster and marital decay.

And until you upgrade your mental programming for love, that decay will continue.

So, rather than accept your “blueprint” or “model of the world,” review it often and upgrade it whenever necessary.

That’s the only way you will go beyond your comfort zone and get what you want and be happier.

4. There may be certain areas in your life that you feel you need to work on, so work on them!

In today’s day and age, there is no excuse for a lack of knowledge because information is accessible to most.

Even if you don’t have access to the Internet, in most towns (Western world) you will find some form of a library.

And memberships are still free to my knowledge.

They are filled with things called, books!

And in books, you’ll often find everything you need to know to get started.

Are you bad at financial management or budgeting?

Want to know something about investing?

Stock trading?

Invest in real estate?

Dress for success?

What about improving your marriage?

Do you want to know how to increase your business’ profit?

Want to lose weight and be healthier?

Run faster?

Be fitter?

Be a better parent?

Train your dog?

Motivate your team?

Expand your business?

Dominate in the online world?

Create passive income?

Teach your parrot how to talk?

Speak another language?

Read faster?

The list can go on and on.

Listen, for anything and everything you want in life,  and know how to do it, there are hundreds of books, audiobooks, blogs, websites, online courses, offline courses, seminars, videos on YouTube, podcasts on iTunes, membership sites, groups on Facebook, etc. that can help you.

All you need is clarity around what you want, enough desire, and the discipline to actually look for it.


No matter what’s stopping you from believing in yourself, there’s a way to overcome it.

You can crush it.

You can get what you want in life.

But, you also need to start believing that.

You need to start believing in yourself.

So, first of all, figure out what’s causing your self-doubt.

Is it fear, insecurity, mental attitudes, or something else?

Once you know that, you face the obstacle and come up with a plan to overcome it.

I hope this post gave you plenty to think about.

Now is your time.

Don’t sit around waiting for the ideal time to show up.

Chances are it won’t.

You have to force yourself to do what you must, to get what you want.

That is the reality of life, unfortunately.

I believe in you, and you should too.

As always, please leave your comments and questions below and I will personally read and respond to them.

Until next time, see you!

About the author 


Gideon is the Owner of The Relationship Guy, a top-100 marriage advice blog that helps married couples create happier relationships. He is a trained professional counsellor (DipProfCouns., DipMSHT.), has been happily married for over fifteen years and is a dad of two.​ He also holds Bachelor and Master degrees in the field of Theology and is currently studying Psychology at Massey University (New Zealand).

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