October 11, 2019

How to Boost Your Partner’s Self-Esteem With These 6 Actions


Even though you may not think much about it, it always feels good when someone takes the time and makes the effort to help you feel better about yourself. Even more so in our love lives. Whether it’s a compliment, simple gesture, or facial expression, it feels great to know someone cares about you and considers your feelings. And because this is true for most of us, it’s also important to consider how you can boost your partner’s self-esteem regularly as they need it as much as you do. Therefore, in this post, we’ll look at 6 actions you can take to do just that.

How to Boost Your Partner's Self-Esteem With These 6 Actions pinterest pin

Let’s start with a simple question:

Have you ever thought about making an effort to boost your partner’s self-esteem?

If you have, good on you!

If you haven’t, no worries, that’s what this post is all about … showing you how to boost your partner’s self-esteem with 6 simple actions.

All you need to do is put them into practice.

But, before we get to that, I think it’s also important to understand WHY you need to consistently work hard to boost your partner’s self-esteem and HOW that (potentially) impacts your relationship.

Here are 3 things I can quickly think of:

  1. when we feel good about ourselves, we tend to be more confident and open with giving more of ourselves to others,
  2. and when we feel really positive emotions (or negative), we tend to scan our environment for possible causes and anchor any immediate objects to those feelings, and
  3. when we associate our partners to really positive feelings, we tend to want to spend more time with them AND we give more of ourselves, which consequently mean our partners and the relationship benefit directly from it.

So, when we boost your partner’s self-esteem, we directly increase our partner’s positive feelings they have about themselves and indirectly increase the overall positive affect (or emotional climate) of the relationship.

The latter playing a huge role in partners remaining committed to and motivated in their relationship.

When it feels good being with someone, we tend to want to be with them even more to experience more of the same.

So, with all of that being said, I hope you can see that it’s important to demonstrate your love and affection with actions that help boost your partner’s self-esteem and positive feelings about him- or herself.

And to help you do just that, here are 6 specific actions you can take to boost your partner’s self-esteem …

6 Actions to Boost Your Partner’s Self-Esteem:

Notice the little things your partner does for you.

Does he always open doors for you or pull out your chair when dining out?

Perhaps she consistently asks what you’d like to have for dinner.

Start noticing these things and say something like,

“Wow, that was so nice”


“I really appreciate a beautiful woman cooking and serving a meal for me”

to boost your partner’s self-esteem and feelings about themselves.

Noticing the little things they do for you goes a long way.

Take delight in your partner’s presence.

Even at the busiest, most hectic times, stop what you’re doing to acknowledge your partner’s presence.

For example, text each other during the day, greet each other with love and care (when you leave or return), hug frequently, or make time to sit outside and enjoy a beautiful evening as the day draws to a close.

Whatever works in your context, when you do this your partner will feel great when you pay more attention to him or her than to anyone else.

They want to feel more than a chore or worse, an afterthought.

Compliment something they do well.

Does she set the most hospitable table when guests come for dinner?

Does he always clean your car inside and out, making it look like new?

Start complimenting these gestures of love from your partner.

Don’t take it for granted and don’t take your partner for granted.

Let them know that you don’t.

Notice when he really enjoys doing a task or other activity.

For example, say something like,

“I can tell that you had a great time helping Jack mow the lawn today. And you did a great job!”

Your positive comments to your partner about what you notice about them help to boost your partner’s self-esteem.

Plus, your remarks will cause your partner to reflect on what they were doing and recognise,

“Hey, yeah, I really do enjoy doing that and I’m good at it! I’m going to make some plans to do it again soon.”

So, as I mentioned before – positive feelings creating more motivation.

Show consistent support and confidence.

When your partner appears to be struggling with a particular issue, make a real effort to show them support.

I call it “taking the heat.”

Doing this really helps create a feeling of commitment within your relationship.

So if your partner is trying to lose some weight, for example, and has been disappointed with the results, let her know you see her efforts and that you believe they’ll pay off.

Comment with something like,

“Let’s take a 15-minute walk every day after work before dinner time”

to demonstrate your strong support for her.

This will really boost your partner’s self-esteem.

She’ll feel cherished to know you’re there for her AND that you understand what she’s going through.

When she feels like she’s worth it (to you) and that you’ve got confidence in her, those feelings translate to self-esteem.

When your partner makes a change, be aware of it.

Compliment the change.

For example, if he shaves off his beard or tries a different style of clothing, make comments such as,

“You look so young without your beard”


“That colour of shirt complements the colour of your eyes very nicely. I think we should get you some more clothes in that shade.”

We love it when we know our partners are aware of us and what we’re up to.

Being oblivious or not noticing sends a message that you don’t care which translates into “I don’t care about YOU!” 

When that happens, everything else happens in reverse …

We feel worse about ourselves, our motivation to be in the relationship wanes, and we start behaving in a fashion that further harms the relationship in the long run.

Something to think about.

Take Away …

One of the most important factors about being a partner is to always be there emotionally for the other person.

A relationship simply CANNOT grow and blossom without emotional stability and certainty.

So, using strategies (I gave you six) that boost your partner’s self-esteem will strengthen your relationship and deepen the love and respect you feel for each other in the long run.

Just start by implementing ONE such strategy or action to boost your partner’s self-esteem.

Your partner WILL start to appreciate you more.

Now, at this point, I want to say to you that it doesn’t matter if you’ve been married for 20, 30, or more years!

If you’re NOT doing the things that boost your partner’s self-esteem, you’re either

  • leaving them to feel neglected on some level


  • you’re doing things that are actively breaking their self-esteem.

Either way, your relationship will pay the price for that in the end.

So, rather than going down that path, just choose one action and start to boost your partner’s self-esteem today.

Why wait?

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Before you go …

If you want to learn more in-depth and specific strategies to improve your relationship, go grab a copy of my book for couples “Happy Againwhich is ON SALE right now!

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Grab Your Copy Today!


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About the author

Gideon is the creator of The Relationship Guy – a Top Marriage Coaching and Relationship Advice Blog that helps married couples create happier relationships. He is a trained professional counsellor and one of New Zealand’s top relationship bloggers. He’s been happily married for over fifteen years and is a dad of two.​ He also holds Bachelor and Master degrees in the field of Theology and is currently studying Psychology at Massey University.

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