February 14, 2017

7 Secrets for a Happy Marriage That Make All The Difference

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A long, successful, happy marriage is the goal of every bride and groom. However, a happy marriage doesn’t just happen: it must be created and nurtured. It takes a lot of work and it never hurts to discover some new wonderful ways to enhance your marital relationship. Also, you are never too young or old to learn different ways to show your love and appreciation for the one you chose to be your lifelong lover, friend, partner, and fellow traveller. And in this post I want to share with you 7 Secrets for a Happy Marriage, that will help do just that.

You might be wondering, “what do I know about marriage?”

Fair question.

I will answer it like this …

In two months time, my wife and I will have been married for 11 years, with two beautiful children and a dog.

I’ve also been a wedding celebrant (among other things) for almost 15 years and I am a relationship coach for couples looking to create healthier, happier and more intimate relationships.

I’ve seen and heard a lot.

The good, bad, and downright disturbing.

Now, I’m not telling you this to impress you whatsoever, but rather to say that I’ve been around “marriage” for a while.

And you have to be an idiot not to notice that there are certain things that make a marriage (or any romantic relationship for that matter) succeed whereas other things rip it apart.

Today, I just want to show you seven.

And chances are you know these.

But, even if you do, my challenge to you is to take apply and what you know more intentionally and consistently because that is the only way that relationships deepen.

You can’t just think and talk about what you need to do, you need to actually do something.

And here’s a big thing I’ve learned,

you’re either moving your marriage forward or you’re allowing it to regress.

There is no middle ground. There is no, “let’s wait and see what happens.”

Stagnation means regression.

So, the following suggestions are the perfect opportunity to refresh your happy marriage toolbox.

There might be a few secrets for a happy marriage in here that you haven’t tried yet.

Go through them and challenge yourself to apply one or two to your relationship.

7 Secrets for a Happy Marriage That Make All the Difference:

Make brief contact with your spouse throughout the day.

It takes only a few seconds to let your partner know you’re thinking of them.

Place a two or three-minute call to your spouse during your morning break.

Send a text message.

Text messages are particularly fun because you can make a statement, ask a question, or make a plan simply by tapping in a quick message.

For example, you could text,

“Can’t wait to get home tonight,”

“I’m cooking your favourite for dinner,”

or “I love you!”

Send a quick email to just says “Hi. I’m thinking of you.”

My wife and I love texting each other over Skype with cute little emoticons and code language.

How you do it doesn’t matter, it’s the fact that you do.

It shows your thinking of your partner even when they’re not “part” of your day.

You show them they are special and are in your thoughts.

If you can, sneak a lunch in here and there, even better.

Just make sure you leave your phone in the car.

Provide your spouse with something to look forward to.

Whether it’s this weekend’s activities or a movie, talk about what you’ve planned just for your partner.

It’s incredibly enjoyable for both of you when you take the time to think about what they would like and then make it happen.

Occasional surprises work wonders.

For example, plan a surprise weekend getaway, a romantic dinner at home, or flowers just to say, “I love you.”

One of the basic human needs we all have is the need for variety.

We love good surprises from our partners because they communicate to them that they are special enough to you that you’re spending time, energy and money to make them feel loved and appreciated.

They size of the surprise doesn’t matter, but the gesture does.

Make your relationship fun.

An important aspect of lasting relationships is the capacity to enjoy each other’s company.

Have fun.

Do fun stuff together.

Laugh. Tease. Play around.

Don’t take life so seriously.

Just relax and enjoy being with your partner.

Stop being a sourpuss.

Talk about plans for activities you both want to do in the future.

Sharing ideas and setting goals together bring you closer together and ensure you stay together.

It’s especially fun to plan to go out to lunch to make decisions about your vacation plans and figure out together what you want to do.

Talk about things you want to do, places you want to go, things you want to experience.

It’s also fun using some of these lunches to remind yourselves that you’re more than just mom and dad; you’re also friends and lovers.

Discuss fantasies you both might have.

When you do this from a place of genuine love, care and playfulness, it can really do wonders for your sex life.

Create a special time each day when it’s just the two of you, really relaxing together.

It could be that after work, the two of you prepare dinner together.

Or when you sit down at the table to eat, you both are consciously present that “this” is your special time.

Go for a walk together in the evening or watch your favourite program on TV after dinner.

Once the kids are in bed, go sit in the spa or have a shower together and just relax.

Afterwards, go lie on the bed with the rest of the lights in the house switched off and read until it’s time for sleep.

Just enjoy each other’s company in silence.

I understand that daily responsibilities may make every day difficult, but connect with your spouse often.

You have to actively pursue this or it won’t happen.

And when it doesn’t happen, your marriage ultimately pays the price.

Be adventurous in your relationship.

Learn something new together.

When you have an adventure, your relationship feels fresh and exciting.

Here are some ideas or develop your own based on your mutual interests:

  • Take a ballroom class.
  • Do juicing for a week.
  • Invite different friends over for dinner.
  • Learn to scuba dive.
  • Visit cool swimming spots around the region.
  • Change your appearance from time to time, just to make it interesting. Get a new haircut or color. Wear a different style of clothing.

Listen, I know couples who truly focus on their marriage have their own secrets to their relationships’ success.

And that’s cool.

But if you don’t maybe it’s time to start considering doing something new to grow your relationship rather than stifle it.

Last Thought …

Surprising your spouse, creating special time together in each day and being adventurous in your relationship are some fantastic secrets to keep your passions alive.

So strive to make your marriage the happiest that it can be.

Give it all you’ve got.

Live and love fully!



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7 Secrets for a Happy Marriage


About the author
Gideon

Gideon is the creator of The Relationship Guy – a Top Marriage Coaching and Relationship Advice Blog that helps married couples create happier relationships. He is a trained professional counsellor and one of New Zealand’s top relationship bloggers. He’s been happily married for over fifteen years and is a dad of two.​ He also holds Bachelor and Master degrees in the field of Theology and is currently studying Psychology at Massey University.

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